26 Interpersonal Relations

Prof. Geeta Bansal

 

1.      Module 1: Managing Interpersonal relations

 

2.      Learning Outcome

 

3.      Introduction

 

4.      Use of TA (transactional analysis) to improve interpersonal relations

 

5.      Use of life positions , stroking to improve interpersonal relations

 

6.        Looking through the Johari window to improve interpersonal relations

 

7.      Summary

 

1.      MANAGING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

 

2.      LEARNING OUTCOMES

  • After going through the lesson, you should be able to;
  • Understand how to maintain healthy interpersonal relations in the organization through transactional analysis,
  • Appreciate the concept of life positions, which is an important part of TA as a way of understanding individual’s behavior in the organization.
  • Know the importance of Johari window in improving the interpersonal relationships in the organization ,

 

3.   INTRODUCTION

 

Talking of interpersonal relations , one is reminded of Herzberg’s two factor theory of motivation in which interpersonal relations at the workplace, be it with your colleagues, subordinates or superiors is treated as a hygiene factor; the presence of which does not contribute to job satisfaction but its absence leads to dissatisfaction. Thereby establishing the importance of interpersonal relations. Hence it can be viewed as one of the significant aspect in the achievement of the organizational goals. It is therefore important that good interpersonal relations prevail at all levels in the organizational hierarchy.

 

Interpersonal relations can be better managed through the understanding of the concepts of Transactional analysis, understanding life positions, stroking and the Johari window. In this chapter we will take some lessons from the above mentioned concepts to understand and improve interpersonal relations both at the personal as well as the professional level. Transactional analysis aims at improving the communication and interpersonal relations between the individuals which is one proven method that helps two persons communicate and behave on the job in a mature manner by understanding each other’s motives by entering into complimentary transactions. The concept of life positions, which is an important part of TA as a way of understanding individuals behavior in the organization is another significant tool of enhancing interpersonal understanding and appreciating each other behavior in a more objective manner by identifying one’s self worth and the worth of others. Similarly the Johari window helps in opening up the hidden area of the individuals through feedback and critical appraisal which in turn leads to better communication and interpersonal relations amongst the individuals and enhances organizational effectiveness and commitment. All these initiatives are not only important but are absolutely necessary in today’s stressful working conditions where the child ego states of the individuals tend to predominate the work stations and leads to communication gaps which in turn hampers organizational effectiveness. Let us review them in detail for enhanced understanding so that we can apply it in our organizational setups as organizational behavioral practitioners.

 

4. USE OF TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS (TA) TO IMPROVE INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

 

Transactional analysis, developed by Eric Berne can be understood as a method of improving and maintaining healthy interpersonal relations in the organizations by identifying the three ego states whereby it enables the individuals to communicate and behave in a mature manner while interacting with each other where people develop the capacity to understand each other’s viewpoint better .The Basis of Transactional Analysis are the Three Ego States in Individual’s Personality. These are ;1. The Parent ego,2, The Adult ego and 3.The Child ego . These ego states have nothing to do with chronological age of the individuals but refers to the psychological age which is reflected in one’s behavior and interactions with others. As Berne states, “Although we cannot directly observe these ego states, we can observe behavior and from this infer which of three ego states is operating at that moment”. See figure 1

Figure 1: The Three Ego States In Transactional Analysis

 

 

The Parent ego State

 

In this ego state an individual tends to behave more in the nature of a parent by always dictating the right and the wrong behavior which can be of two kinds :the Nurturing Parent and the Critical parent.

 

The Nurturing parent is that part of a person which is understanding and caring about other people but at the same time set limits on and provide direction for people behavior. It will not put the people down and make them feel not OK as individual.

 

Critical parent behavior attacks people’s personalities as well as their behavior by being evaluative and judgmental and makes them feel that they are not OK.

 

The Adult ego State

 

This state evokes behavior that could be described simply as logical, reasonable, rationale and unemotional. Behavior from the adult ego state is characterized by problem solving analysis and rationale decision-making. People operating from the adult ego state are taking emotional content of their child ego state, the value-laden content of their parent ego state and checking them out in the reality of the external world. These people are examining alternatives, probabilities and values prior to engaging in behavior.

 

The child ego State

 

This state is associated with behaviors that appear when a person is responding emotionally encompassing the ‘natural’ impulses and attitudes learned from child experiences. There are several forms of the child ego state. However, two kinds of ego states viz. happy child and destructive child are commonly relevant in their behavior. People behaving from their happy child are doing things they want to do it but it is not destructive to others. However, people in their destructive child are also doing things but their behavior is either destructive to others or to themselves, or to their environment. In understanding the difference between these two types of child ego state, it helps to remember that behavior by itself is not happy or destructive. Whether a person’s behavior is coming from a happy child or destructive child depends on the transaction feedback from others. For example, if someone likes listening to music while working , he may be a happy child but if others are finding it noisy and tells him to stop but he continues to do so, he has moved from happy child to destructive child. It is healthy for people to have a functioning child ego state i.e. spontaneous, emotional and sometimes dependent.

 

Thus , an individual with a healthy personality is able to balance all the three ego states; the Nurturing Parent, the Adult ego and a Happy Child and is able to establish good interpersonal relations at the workplace between the managers and his subordinates. Thus reinforcing the importance of interpersonal relations as hygiene factor contributing to job satisfaction as propounded by Herzberg

 

This means that these people are able to lead the adult ego state take over and think very rationally and engage in problem solving.

 

At other times these people are able to free the Child ego state and be spontaneous and emotional. At other times healthy people are able to defer to the Parent ego state and learn from experience.

 

While a balance amongst all three ego states seems to be most healthy, this is especially a problem when the Adult ego state is not in the executive position and peoples’ personality is being dominated by the Critical Parent or the Destructive child. When this occurs in people, it poses problems for their managers in the world of work.

 

More specifically, child dominated people who are mainly coming from Destructive Child do not engage in much rational problem solving. They learn in their early years that they could get things by screaming and being emotional. It is difficult to reason with them in such circumstances. Rather than solving their own problems, these people want their managers or some other persons to tell them what to do, where to do it, how do it or what is right, what’s wrong, what’s good and what’s bad.

 

Parent dominated people who are mainly coming from Critical Parent also do not engage in much emotional problem solving because they already know what is right and what is wrong. They seem to have an answer for everything.

 

ANALYSIS OF TRANSACTIONS

 

TA may be used to explain why people behave in specific patterns throughout their life. This analysis enables people to identify patterns of transactions between themselves and others. Ultimately, this can help us to determine which ego state most heavily influence our behavior and the behavior of other people with whom we interact.

 

Two types of transactions may be useful for managers to know:

 

1.  Complementary /open transactions

2.  Non Complementary /Crossed transactions

 

There are many combinations of Complementary /open transactions; however the basic principle to remember is that the ego state should get response to continue the transaction. When response to a transaction is the expected and predictable one, communication can continue. Open transactions are Adult to Adult, Child to Child,

 

Parent to Child, Parent to Parent. however, not all open transactions are beneficial. What we want to strive for in our relationships are OK open transaction-Happy child to happy child, Nurturing parent to Happy child. Adult to Adult, and Nurturing Parent to Nurturing parent. Not Ok transactions involve any of the loss healthy ego states, for example, Critical parent to Nurturing Parent, rebellious child, or complaint child.

 

Examples of both OK and not OK open transactions are shown below in figure 2.

 

As illustrated in transaction 1, if a manager says to one of his staff members from the Nurturing parent, “I want you to be more careful in writing your reports because I found a number of typographical and grammatical errors in this report, and his staff member responds from his happy child, OK sir, I did not notice all those mistakes then we have a completed communication in which information has been easily shared and everyone still feels OK about themselves. If, however, as illustrated in transaction 2, this manager was coming from Critical Parent and said something like, “How can you be so stupid?”. The last report you gave me had all kinds of typographical and grammatical errors. I don’t see how you can possibly do your job if you don’t know how to write a decent report,” and his staff member responded from happy Child back to the manager’s Critical Patent by saying ” I am sorry, I will try not to make those mistakes next time”, we have a completed communication in which information is shared with minimum effort, but the staff member feels put down by his boss and does not feel OK.

 

A blocked transaction is one that results in the closing, at least temporarily, of communication. Unlike open transactions, the response is either inappropriate or unexpected, as well as being out of context with what the sender of the stimulus had originally intended. This occurs when a person responds with an ego state different from the one the other person was addressing. In other words, it occurs when the stimulus from one ego state to another ego state, such that the sender feels misunderstood, confused, or even threatened. When this occurs sharing and listening stops at least temporarily. For example, if John asks a coworker a question from his adult ego state like what time is it, Ram?” he would expect Ram to respond from his adult ego state and share information about time. If, however, Ram responds from his Critical Parent and answers, “don’t ask me”, then a blocked transaction has taken place, as illustrated below. The example illustrated that in a blocked transaction the lines of communication get crossed and stop effective communication. Blocked transaction can either be helpful or destructive to the development of people.

 

The preceding example was a destructive transaction because the Critical Parent response to John’s question leaves him with not OK feelings. Destructive blocked transactions occur between people when either responds to the other from the Critical Parent or the rebellious or Destructive Child.

 

When people argue, a destructive blocked transaction is usually involved. By analyzing open and blocked transaction, it is possible to determine the various strength of the three ego states. This is in turn provides an indication of position the individual has selected.

BENEFITS OF TA

 

Organizations that have used TA approach were found moderately successful. Training in TA can give employees fresh insights into their own personalities, and it also can help them to understand why others sometimes respond as they do. A major benefit is improved interpersonal communication. Employees in organization can sense when crossed communication occurs and then take steps to restore complementary communication, preferably in the Adult-to-Adult pattern. The result is a general improvement in interpersonal transactions.

 

5. USE OF LIFE POSITIONS IN IMPROVING INTERPERSONAL RELATIONS

 

Life positions is an important part of TA theory, which helps in understanding others behavior better by exploring the life positions of each others as exhibited by their perception of their self worth and others worth who are around them and with whom they interact on a daily basis personally or professionally.

 

It has been frequently observed that people who have high self worth and low worth of others are usually poor at interpersonal relations. They think themselves as superior in thinking and knowledge with regard to others and thereby considers others as inferior to them which causes a lot of trouble in their interpersonal relations. Life positions tend to be more permanent than ego states.

 

Let us try to decipher theses four possible relationships resulting from this life position according to Thomas Harris which are ; see figure 3 below depicting the presentation of the four life positions and their interpretation.

 

1.   I am not OK, You are not OK (neither person have value); Leading to the feeling of dependency, inadequacy and avoidance

 

2.  I am not OK, You are OK (you have value but I do not have): leading to the feeling of distrust of self and others, inability to cope up and needing external help.

 

3.  I am OK, You are not OK (I have value but you don’t have): leading to the feeling of controlling and discounting others

 

4.  I am OK; You are OK (we both have value): Leading to the feeling of high trust, interdependence, self confidence and resourcefulness.

 

Figure 3: Depicting the presentation of the four life positions and their interpretation.

 

I Am Not Ok, You’re Not Ok

 

People with this life position usually give up. They do not trust other people and have no confidence in their self worth as well as of others.

 

I Am Not Ok, You’re Ok

 

People with this life position often come from their child ego state. They feel that others are more capable and generally have fewer problems than they themselves do. They tend to think that they always got the short end of the stick. This is the most common life position for people who have high expectations for authority. They see their world as “I don’t have any control or much power, but those people seem to have all the power and rewards and punishment.”

 

I Am Ok, You’re Not Ok

 

This type of people often come their Critical Parent ego state. They tend to be down on other people for at least two reasons. First, they often regard other people as source of criticism. They feel that if they are not exactly perfect or right, people will be excessively critical of them. Second, they want to break away or rebel from some authority figure and become more independent, but they are either not sure how to go about this or they have had pleasant experiences in attempting it in the past.

 

I Am Ok, You’re Ok

 

This life position is considered as healthy position. People with these feelings express confidence in themselves as well as trust and confidence in other people in their environment. Their behavior tends to come from their Nurturing Parent, Adult and Happy Child ego states, while seldom being evoked from their Destructive Child or Critical parent.

 

 

STROKING

 

Stroking is another important concept of TA , which can be exhibited in the form of recognition that we usually get from people around us which can be either positive recognition, negative feedback or attitude of indifference.

 

It has been found that it is better to have negative strokes than of indifference as it will at least show our presence.

 

6.  JOHARI WINDOW APPROACH TO IMPROVE ORGANIZATIONAL EFFECTIVENESS

 

The Johari window is a technique created by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in 1955 in the United States, which can be applied to help people better understand their relationship with self and others.

 

It is used primarily in self-help groups and corporate settings as a heuristic exercise.

 

A model known as the Johari Window illustrates the process of giving and receiving feedback. The window was developed for their group process program.

 

Look at the model below as a communication window through which you give and receive information about yourself and others. Look at the four panes in terms of columns and rows. The two columns represent the self; the two rows represent the group. Column one contains “things that I know about myself;” column two contains “things that I do not know about myself.” The information in these rows and columns moves from one pane to another as the level of mutual trust and the exchange of feedback varies in the group. As a consequence of this movement, the size and shape of the panes within the window will vary. See figure 4. Below.

 

FIGURE 4 : JOHARI WINDOW

 

1.The first pane, the “Arena,” contains things that I know about myself and about which the group knows.

 

This window is characterized by free and open exchanges of information between myself and others, this behavior is public and available to everyone. The Arena increases in size as the level of trust increases between individuals or between an individual and the group. Individuals share more information, particularly personally relevant information.

 

2.  The second pane, the “Blind Spot,” contains information that I do not know about myself but of which the group may know.

 

As I begin to participate in the group, I am not aware of the information I communicate to the group. The people in the group learn this information from my verbal cues, mannerisms, the way I say things, or the style in which I relate to others. For instance, I may not know that I always look away from a person when I talk… or that I always clear my throat just before I say something. The group learns this from me.

 

3.  Pane three, the “Facade” or “Hidden Area,” contains information that I know about myself but the group does not know.

 

I keep these things hidden from them. I may fear that if the group knew my feelings, perceptions, and opinions about the group or the individuals in the group, they might reject, attack, or hurt me. As a consequence, I withhold this information. Before taking the risk of telling the group something, I must know there are supportive elements in our group. I want group members to judge me positively when I reveal my feelings, thoughts, and reactions. I must reveal something of myself to find out how members will react. On the other hand, I may keep certain information to myself so that I can manipulate or control others.

 

4.  The fourth and last pane, the “Unknown,” contains things that neither I nor the group knows about me.

 

I may never become aware of material buried far below the surface in my unconscious area. The group and I may learn other material, though, through a feedback exchange among us. This unknown area represents intrapersonal dynamics, early childhood memories, latent potentialities, and unrecognized resources. The internal boundaries of this pane change depending on the amount of feedback sought and received. Knowing all about myself is extremely unlikely, and the unknown extension in the model represents the part of me that will always remain unknown (the unconscious in Freudian terms).

 

The main objective of the model is to increase mutual understanding that encourages disclosure and feedback to increase our own open area so that both you and your colleagues are aware of your perceptual limitations and reduce the blind, hidden and the unknown areas through disclosure i.e. informing others of your beliefs, feelings and experiences that may influence the work relationships.

 

The open area also increases through feedback from others about your own behavior, which sounds easy but very difficult to seek .but this kind of feedback will invariably help you to reduce your blind area, because your coworkers often see things in you which you cannot see for yourself. And finally, the combination of disclosure and feedback occasionally produces revelations about information in the unknown area.

 

7. SUMMARY

 

The importance of interpersonal relations has been established in the lesson with the help of understanding and applying the concepts of Transactional analysis, life positions and Johari window to improve the communication in the organization. TA is the study of social transaction between people donning the mask of Parent, Adult or child ego states. It has been observed that an Adult-to-adult complementary transaction is especially desirable at work where as Crossed transactions tend to cut off communication and produce conflicts. TA is essentially a learning experience through which an individual discovers how to sort out the data that goes into his decisions. This approach is useful to improve the interpersonal communication and relations in the organizations and in social life. Another important concept of TA is the study of life positions, which shows the acceptance of self and others and also the worth of self and others , in the form of life positions depicting the four quadrants which gives employees fresh insights into their own personalities. Another method to improve interpersonal relations and understanding is looking through the four panes of Johari Window that encourages disclosure and feedback to increase our own open area so that both you and your colleagues are aware of your perceptual limitations and reduce the blind, hidden and the unknown areas through disclosure i.e. informing others of your beliefs, feelings and experiences that may influence the work relationships.

 

All the above methods discussed above can be very helpful for the practicing managers at their workplace.

Learn More:

  • L.M. Prasad, Management Process and Organizational, Sultan Chand & Sons K. Ashwathappa, Organization Behaviour. Tata McGraw Hill
  • Khanka,S.S, Organizational Behaviour,S.Chand &Co.New Delhi.
  • McShane,S.L.,Glinow, M A V.,Sharma,R ,R. Organizational Behaviour, Tata McGraw Hill Singh, Kavita.2010, Organizational Behavior, text and cases; Pearson publications.
  • Stephen P. Robbins, Organizational Behaviour Concepts,  Prentice Hall, India.
  • Gary Desslar,  “Organization Theories, Prentice Hall, India