9 Child Counselling Skills

Sujata Gupta Kedar

1. Introduction

As we all know that humans are the social beings and because of lot of social factors an individual in some way or the other need help and guidance of others. We all know that our mother and father are our first counsellors. Then comes, our teachers, elder siblings, grandparents and other elders, school counsellors and society that guide youngsters for successful living. Due to numerous social factors such as explosion of knowledge, industrialization and changes in life style because of socio-economic set up, the need of professional guidance and counselling is felt in the present day society.

2. Objectives

To develop an understanding of counselling children skills in a possible systematic and sequential way.
To Develop skills in planning strategically for an effective children counselling session and applying it.

3. This module is divided into five parts

I: Concept of Counseling

III: Listening Skills

IV: Basic Empathy

V: Questioning Skills

Part I

4. Concept of Counselling

Counselling is a method that is structured in a series of steps that aims to help people to cope better with situations they face. Counselling involves the individual to understand their emotions and feelings and to help them make positive choices and decisions. Counselling helps people to ease initial distress resulting from a challenging situation, and encourage short and long-term adaptive functioning (positive coping).

What is adaptive functioning?

How well a person handles common stresses and demands in life is known as adaptive functioning or positive coping.

4.1 What does counselling involves?

To Establish a trusting relationship with the child/client
To help the child/ client to tell his story.
To listen carefully and attentively to the child.
Respecting the client irrespective of age, caste and gender
Being non-judgmental throughout the process
Providing confidentiality to the client.
Providing correct information to the child.
To help the individual/ child to make informed decisions
To help the child to recognize and build on their strengths.
To help the child develop a positive attitude
To Maintaining a professional relationship with the client

4.2 What does Counselling does not involve –

The counsellor should not judge, interrogate, blame, preach, lecture or argue with the client..
Do not make promises that the counsellor cannot keep.
Do not make decisions for the client.
Do not let clients to become dependent on the counsellor.

Now that you have understood the concept of counselling, let’s move on to the next topic of my presentation that is Skills of child counselling.

4.5. Self-check exercises

Which of the following is true of counselling?

a. Helping the individual make informed decisions

b. Respecting the client;

c. helping the client develop a positive attitude

d. All of the above

(Ans. d)

5. Child Counseling Skills

Learning some basic skills of counselling is the first step to counselling.. These basic skills include

a) Attending skills,

b) active listening,

c) Showing empathy,

d) Probing and questioning skills.

ATTENDING SKILL

This is the skill that need being attentive in any situation, and it shows that the counsellor is paying full attention to the counselee all the time.

Attending also means a counsellor must pay attention to everything a client says and does. This includes reading the client’s body language and also taking into consideration all the silences and pauses in the conversation

6.1 How to Attend

First welcome the client warmly- This will make the child more comfortable and more relaxed in the counselling environment about disclosing personal information about their emotions, feelings and thoughts
Make eye contact with the client- This will assure the interested and have value has to client that the counsellor is about what the client

Looking at the client, as they speak, also shows the counsellor is respectful
The counsellor should also be aware of the tone of their voice during the time in the client’s presence.
The counsellor should slow down the speech that will make the client feel more relaxed and less rushed. It will also convey that the counsellor has adequate time to listen to the client’s problems and concerns
Facial expressions of the counsellors must also convey interest and comprehension
The ability to track the flow of what the client is saying is a key skill that the counsellor must also be confident of demonstrating. Without this ability, the counsellor will not be able to provide the level of supportive service a counselling client requires.

Selective Attending When the counsellor choose to pay particular close attention to an element of what is being said by the client. The counsellor may then decide to focus on the way the client is speaking – whether they are displaying distress, discomfort, anger etc – or on a particular phrase or sentence. A counsellor may be listening out for clues to why the client exhibits a particular behaviour pattern or holds limiting beliefs, or any number of other things. It is the counsellor’s job to gather as much information about a client as possible, and to interpret the disclosure so that they can support and encourage the individual through the counselling process.

6.2 SOLER

SOLER is an acronym and it helps to demonstrate your inner attitudes and morals of respect and authenticity towards a client

S: Sitting comfortably at an angle and distance with the counselee, that the counsellor face the client .Sit in a posture that shows the counsellors participation with the client. (Preferably an extra angled position for some counselee’s – as long as the counsellor can pay complete attention to the client.) For example -A table between the counsellor and the child /client may create or generate a mental barrier between the two.

O: Open posture. The counsellor should examine herself or himself as to what point or degree his or her posture conveys openness and accessibility to the child. In counselling the counsellor should not sit in crossed legs and crossed arms posture as it may be understood as reduced involvement with the counselee where as an open posture gives a signal that the counsellor are open to the client and to what he or she has to say.

L: Lean towards the counselee from time to time (when appropriate) and listening attentively indicates the involvement and genuine interest of the counsellor towards the client. On the contrary, to lean back from the counselee may communicate the opposite message to the client.

E: Eye to eye contact without staring with the counselee conveys the message that the counsellor is interested in what the counselee has to say. If the counsellor catches herself looking away frequently, the counsellor should introspect and ask herself why she was unwilling to interact with the person or why she feel so uneasy in his presence.

R: Remain relatively relaxed should be the trait the counsellor. The counsellor should be natural with the client. He should be relaxed with the client. The counsellor should be nervous or involve in distracting gestures and facial expressions. In this case the child may send a wrong message to the client and the client may wonder what it is in himself or herself that makes him or her so nervous! Being relaxed means that the counsellor is comfortable with using his or her body as a vehicle of personal contact and expression and for putting the client at ease.Effective attending puts counsellors in a position to listen carefully to what their clients are saying or not saying.

Part– III

7. Listening

Listening refers to the ability of counsellors to capture and understand the messages counselee communicate as they tell about them , whether those messages are transmitted verbally or non-verbally .

7.1 The Importance of Listening

Listening makes the child who is talking feel worthy, appreciated and respected.
When the speaker is heard attentively, the speaker responds positively by interacting on a deeper level, perhaps by disclosing personal information or by becoming more relaxed.
By listening carefully, the counsellor is encouraging the child to continue talking, as well as ensuring communication remains open and positive.

straight or leaning forwards to show attentiveness is also useful.

Maintaining eye contact shows the speaker you are interested in them and what they have to say.
Responding appropriately, by um-hmming, eyebrow raising and supplying other more direct responses, prompts the client to continue talking.
Focusing solely on what the client is saying will enable the counsellor to follow the logical flow of the conversation with ease.
Only ask questions for clarification. The less a counsellor speaks the more a client should.

7.3 Four Skills of Active listening

To listen to and understand the client’s verbal messages is the first skill any counsellor should have. A client who shares his or her story with the counsellor often contains a mixture of experiences (i.e., what happened to him or her), the behaviours (what the client did not do or failed to do), and the affect or the feelings or the emotions associated with the experiences and behaviour. The counsellor has to listen to the mix of experiences, behaviour and feelings the client uses to describe his or her problem situation. Also “hear” what the client is not saying.
To listen to and interpreting the client’s nonverbal messages. Non-verbal messages are the following

general appearance such as grooming and dress,

body postures, body movement and gestures- smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, twisted lips,

facial expressions –

voice related behaviour – tone, pitch, voice level, intensity, inflection, spacing of words, emphases, pauses, silences and fluency

observable physiological responses – quickened breathing, a temporary rash, blushing, paleness, pupil dilation,

physical appearance – fitness, height, weight, complexion Counsellors should learn how to listen to and read nonverbal or cues. Counsellors need to learn how to “read” these messages without distorting or over interpreting them.

To Listen to and understand the client and the context in which he or she is talking. The counsellor should listen to the whole person in the context of his or her social settings.
Listening with empathy. Empathic listening involves attending, observing and listening (“being with”) in such a way that the

Reflective Listening

The process of restating that is already been said, so that the client understands that the counsellor have clearly heard what they have disclosed. It is a confirmation that a counsellor validates the client, by acknowledging what is being said, and by providing further opportunity to talk.

Paraphrasing – when a counsellor offers a concise statement of the client’s message – is another useful tool.

7.4 Hindrances to effective listening

Active listening is unfortunately not an easy skill to acquire. Counsellors should be aware of the following hindrances to effective listening (Egan, 1998):

Inadequate listening: It is easy to be distracted from what other people are saying if one allows oneself to get lost in one’s own thoughts or if one begins to think what one intends to convey. All these make it difficult to listen to and understand their clients.
Evaluative listening: Most people listen judgmentally to others. they judge and label what the other person is saying as either right or wrong, good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable, relevant or irrelevant etc. They then tend to respond according to their judgement..
Filtered listening: Filtered listening distorts or negatively changes our understanding of our counselee. As the counsellor become biased and tend to listen to himself, other people and the world around with biased filters.
Rehearsing: If you mentally rehearse your answers, you are also not listening attentively.
Sympathetic listening: Although sympathy has it’s place in human transactions, the “use” of sympathy is limited in the helping relationship because it can distort the counsellor’s listening to the client’s story. Sympathy conveys pity that can diminish the extent to which the counsellor can help the client.

Part– IV

8. Empathy

Empathy is the ability to place oneself in another’s shoes. To know and understand what the client is feeling from within his or her perspective.

Basic empathy involves

listening to clients, understanding them and their concerns as best as we can, and communicating this understanding to them in such a way that they might understand themselves more fully and act on their understanding (Egan, 1998).
It also means that the counsellor must momentarily forget about his or her own issues rather put the entire focus on the client and try to see
Empathy is thus the skill to identify and acknowledge the feelings of the client without experiencing those same emotions of that of the client. It is an attempt to understand the world of the client by temporarily “stepping into his or her shoes”.

8.1 Stumbling blocks to effective empathy are the following:

Avoid distracting and distressing questions. To pursue their own agendas i.e., to get more information, Counsellors usually ask questions to the client. And in the process they ignore the feelings of the client.
Clichés should be avoided. Clichés communicate a very negative message to the client that his or her issues are not grave or serious. Statements like, “I can understand how you feel” should be avoided since the counsellor actually do not feel it.
To understand is not Empathy. Giving response to the client’s feelings is important but the counsellor should not manipulate or distort the content of what the client is telling the counsellor.
Advice should be used carefully and should be used to build the self confidence in the client.
Repeating the client’s words is not empathy but parroting. Counsellors, who “parrot” what the client said, do not understand the client, and appears as if the counsellor doesn’t show any respect for the client.
Empathy is not the same as sympathy. To show pity and compassion is to show sympathy. These are all well intentioned traits but not very helpful in counselling.
Avoid conflict and arguments with the client.

Part- V

9. Questioning Skills or Probing

Skilled counsellor should ask questions and probe and that is considered as a skill in counselling. Probing and investigative by the counsellor involves questions that enable clients/ child to explore further any issue that is relevant of their lives. Probes can be in any form. The counsellor can frame a questions, statement, non-verbal prompts, requests, single word or phrases.

9.1 Purpose of Probes or Questions:

It helps to encourage clients to tell their stories in case of non-assertive or reluctant clients.
It helps children to identify feelings and behaviours.
It helps to fill in missing events of the issue.
It helps counselees to understand their problems more.
It helps the child to be attentive on relevant issues.

9.2 TYPES OF QUESTIONS : There are two types of questions used in counselling:

Closed ended questions are those that have fixed answer as yes or no.
Open ended question are asked to get extra information from the client.

9.3 Points to remember while using probes or questions:

The questions asked during the counselling sessions should be asked with caution.
Too many questions should not be asked as it makes the clients feel “interrogated”. When counsellor gets stuck, Questions often serve as fillers. Two questions in a row is not advisable.
Unnecessary questions should not be asked which mean a question for which the counsellors don’t really want to know the answer.
Although close-ended questions are important, but should not be asked too many.
Open-ended questions are required skill in counselling. The questions that require elaborated answers. The answers more than a simple yes or no answer. What, how and tell about this are examples of open-ended questions. These types of questions are non-threatening and they reassure the client and encourage description.

Summarising

Summarising refers to put everything in a nutshell. The important points of the whole conversation are then summarised that is sometimes useful for the counsellor. The idea basically is to provide a focus to what was previously discussed. Summaries are useful for the following reasons:

It gives direction to clients who find it difficult to initiate.
Repetition can be prevented. As a result, it will pressurize the client to move forwards.
A summary helps the client to focus when the sessions go haywire.

5.5. Self-check exercises

Most people listen evaluatively to others. This means that they are _____________ and labelling what the other person is saying as either right/wrong, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable, relevant/irrelevant etc.
Purpose of Probes or Questions is to encourage _____________clients to tell their stories
_______________ is a confirmation that a counsellor validates the client, by acknowledging what is being said, and by providing further opportunity to talk.
_________________is when the counsellors choose to pay particular close attention to an element of what is being said by the client.
Listening makes the child who is talking feel worthy, appreciated and respected. True/False

(Ans. 1. judging 2. non-assertive/reluctant 3. Reflective Listening 4. Selective Attending 5. True)

SUMMARY

Counselling is a process that is used to improve the wellbeing of the individuals who are in trouble and are not able to decide, cope both physically and psychologically. Counselling is a process that should be done by the skilled persons. Skills to communicate are one of the most important aspects of Counselling and so it should be integrated in the counselling process. The kind of skills require to do counselling are attending, listening, empathy and questioning. Skilled and Professional counsellors will attend and listen to the child, use both empathy and probes to help the client to understand their problems. Who is the client, what is the need of the client and what is the problem situation are the three dimensions which will help the counsellor to decide about which communication skills will be used and how they will be used.

you can view video on Child Counselling Skills

Web links

http://www.communitylivingbc.ca/what_we_do/documents/FactsaboutAssessment.pdf
http://www.thecounsellorsguide.co.uk/attending-skills.html
http://www.skillsyouneed.com/general/counselling.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy
https://www.teachervision.com/skill-builder/reading-comprehension/48785.html
http://www.health24.com/Medical/HIV-AIDS/Counselling/Basic-communication-skills-20120721
http://study.com/academy/lesson/selective-attention-definition-examples-quiz.html
http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/active-listening.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reflective_listening
http://www.counsellingconnection.com/index.php/2009/07/10/counselling-microskills-questioning/