30 Common behavioural problems

M. Priya

Introduction:

Every child is unique in their nature. Children face stressful situations in their day to day life and their responses to the stressors depends on the guidance and support from parents in their everyday life experiences. The behaviour of child depends upon his inherent nature to quite some extent. Upbringing of children is difficult and upbringing of difficult children is challenging. Preschool behaviour problems are mostly influenced by biological and environmental factors, as manifested in the individual differences in child characteristics (e.g., temperamental dimensions of activity, sociability, attention) and the quality of the care giving environment. Genetic and prenatal environmental factors are also influential in this age period for their behaviour. Moreover the rapid developmental change within the period 0–5 years makes it particularly hard to differentiate normal from abnormal behaviour, and to set age-appropriate criteria for classification system.

If a child exhibits certain behaviour problems, the parents instead of becoming aggressive, confused and annoyed must try to speculate on child’s behaviour and get the best technique to solve the problem. Respecting and giving attention to child’s feelings will facilitate the child to handle all critical situations and problems adequately. Also it enables him/her to grow into a healthy, creative, intelligent and matured person in the society.

Objectives:

• To know what is behavioural problem
• To understand different types of behavioural problems in children
• To gain an insight of the meaning of behavioural problems
• To know the causes of each behaviour problem
• To learn how to overcome those behavioural problems in children

Concept of behaviour problem:

Numerous problems arise in everyone’s day to day life. The actual modes of expression of these problems, difficulties or frustration differ in children. Due to rapid changes in development, and unpredictability across time and context, problems may manifest themselves in different ways in under-fives compared to older children. For example, toddlerfears and worries may manifest as irritable or oppositional behavior (e.g., tantrums). These may be harder to detect than in older children because of young children’s limited ability to communicate emotions to adults. Similarly, the same type of behaviours in toddlers may reflect in a different way. Thus, if a toddler is isolated from peers in the preschool, it is essential to assess whether this is temporary reaction to a new environment, or related to aggression, social anxiety or to a more profound problem in communication (e.g., severe learning disability). The ‘behavioural problem’ is used to designate a deviation in behaviour from the one expected or approved by the society. This behaviour which makes life difficult and unsatisfactory for the child and his/her parents by affecting child’s efficiency, physical and psycho-social wellbeing.

Definition:

The term ‘behaviour problem’ is used to designate a deviation in behaviour from the one expected or approved by the society. This behaviour makes life difficult and unsatisfactory for the child and her parents as well as society.

Common behavioural problems:

There are numerous behavioural problems we can identify in many children.

• Thumb sucking
• Bed wetting
• Masturbation
• Refuse to eat
• Indiscipline
• Attention demand
• Lack of attention
• Fear
• Hurting others
• Destroying things
• Refuse to share
• Isolation
• Disturbed sleep
• Aggressive
• Stealing

Thumb sucking:

Thumb sucking is an action which is acceptable in the children till they are one or one and half year old, after which it becomes an eyesore for the parents. Parents start looking for ways and means by which they can get their child get rid of thumb sucking habit. Once a child acquires the habit of thumb sucking, then it becomes very difficult for the child and parents alike to make him rid of this habit. The chid immediately puts his other thumb the moment if someone removes his thumb. Some children tend to suck two to three fingers together instead of the thumb. Thumb sucking is no way a symbol of physical weakness. Some doctors say the process of thumb sucking can be considered normal till the age of 4 years, while others feel that there is absolutely no need for parents to panic till the child is 6 years of age. This habit in children is seen among 70 – 80% of children and comes down about 30-35% when they start growing up. This comes down further to 14% by the age of 6 and just about 5-6% when they are more than 11 years of age.

Reasons for thumb sucking: need for love and care, cuddling assurance, fatigue, hunger, dissatisfaction, boredom, monotonous environment.

Consequences: Distortion in the shape of teeth and gums, unsymmetrical jaw, bacterial infection, psychological pressures, peeling of skin surface of the hand, disfiguration of the thumb, speech defects, mouth injury and distorted lips.

Measures:

• Find out the reason and give him appropriate thing(food, water if he is thirst to alleviate his hunger)
•  Do not scold him or punish
• Never criticise in front of others which will makes him more adamant
• Do not tease the child which makes him aggravate the situation/problem
• Explain him the harmful consequences of the habit
• Understand that the habit may arose if a child has inferiority complex and help him to feel superior
•  Give him small incentives or surprise gifts to give up the habit
• Coat thumb with harmless bitter paste or neem during the time when child tends to suck his thumb
• Do not intervene in his habit too much, since he tend to get more attracted towards forbidden activities

Bed wetting:

Modern educated parents usually cultivate proper toilet habits in the children might from the infancy stage. Now-a-days children too respond to the training and give indications of nature calls. If children do not respond to toilet training at the initial stage will cause passing urine in the bed while sleeping. Sometimes this cause may also be due to chill winter season which can be taken as exemption in 2-3 year child, but if 8-9 year old children start bed wetting which can be considered as serious problem.

Reasons for bed wetting: if child has worm infection can find difficult to control his urinary bladder, during teething process child tend to pass urine more often during night time, if child is not ready for training yet, if child is extremely weak he cannot control his physical actions, insecurity, punishments by parents/school, fear of darkness, dreams.

Measures:

• Accept the child gracefully
• Give more affection and care
• Take him to toilet before going to bed and even in midnight if possible and do not show irritation when child expresses to pass urine in the mid night
• Avoid giving him more water before going to bed, rather give during day time
• Do not be harsh when child wets his bed, which makes him develop inferiority complex and aggravates the problem
• Pay more attention to elder child if parents have younger child
• Keep the child warm during winter season
•  Always appreciate when child learns to pass urine without bed wetting

Masturbation:

When a parent find their child touching or rubbing his genitals could be very disturbing to parents who thing that small children don’t have such type of sexual behaviour. So they consider this behaviour as bad and try to punish or scold the child when he doing the habit. By doing this, children learn that genital organs are a source of pleasurable sensations.

Viewing this somehow immoral and unhealthy and when parents overreact to genital exploration, children conclude that there is something wrong with that. Most of the children masturbate occasionally by the age of 4 and again when they reach puberty or adolescence. As generally, once children sense that masturbating is inappropriate in public, and they start doing it in private, so that parents become less aware of it and do not worry and question. Conflicting to numerous myths, masturbation doesn’t cause any physical symptoms to any health risks. The greatest risk lies in the way how parents react to it.

Reasons: Natural exploration, curiosity, boredom, need for love-comfort and security.

Measures:

• Engage your child with doing some activity or things to work on
• Answer the sex questions freely and frankly
• Give more love and affection
• Provide opportunities for free play
• Don’t punish him when you see your child doing this habit in public, instead distract him for other activity calmly

Refuse to eat:

It is very common in households to see mothers following children with a plate of food in their hands. Usually mother keeps following the chid telling stories and running behind to make him eat. If child is forcibly fed, he vomits the entire food which makes mother forcible feeding also a wasteful exercise. In this whole process the mother is unable to concentrate on her own food since the child feeding process is so time consuming and she will lose her interest in it.

Reasons: independent, attention seeking, irritation, is not hungry, dislikes particular food, sick or ill health.

Measures:

• Let the child rest for sometime
• Try later with something else and make interesting food and which should be attractive too
• Help the child to learn to feed independently
• Set a personal example of being a healthy eater
• Be casual and calm
• Introduce new foods along with favourite foods
• Never feed the child forcibly
• Never scare or terrorise the child into having food
• Some children have tendency to eat slowly, then do not force him to eat quickly
• Fix proper time for every meal and if child stomach is full then do not make an effort to give him more food
• show your love, appreciation, hug or kiss to child whenever he finishes the food

Indiscipline:

A child has to be taught discipline keeping in mind his age and accordingly he should be given freedom as well. Discipline is respecting one’s elders, understanding one’s responsibility, following the path of truth, understanding others needs and wishes can be termed as discipline. By means of discipline children can be taught and trained into acquiring habits that are considered appreciated by our society.

Reasons:giving too much liberty and independence to the children, very strict parenting attitude/upbringing, excessive pampering, non-uniform love, an attempt to make child extremely obedient, an atmosphere of discard in the house, lack of adequate space, unstable and confused mindset of parents, the feeling of panic when the child starts crying, attention seeking behaviour.

Measures:

• Children should be made to realise the benefits of mixing up with other children which makes peaceful atmosphere at home
• Do not embrace the child by taunting him again and again for any wrong action
• Give him opportunity to express his feelings and emotions
• Should not discipline the children to vent out their anger and disappointment
• Do not lecture your child as ‘right’ , ‘wrong’, ‘cause’, ‘effect’ of behaviour since his mind is not able to realise and understand such things in detail
• Give love whenever needed and control –teach discipline when need comes
• Do not compare your child with other child or siblings, which instils a feeling of inferiority
• It is best to ignore an unconscious mistake/ wrong action or behaviour

Attention demand:

It is normal for children when they seek attention and approval. However, attention-seeking becomes a problem when this happens all the time. Many children make tragedies to get attention from their parents or elders to get sympathy; excessive attention seeking creates the situation where your child commands your life. Many children misbehave to get attention. The most notorious reason for misbehaviour in young children, this can be the seed for discipline problems in later childhood and adolescence.

Reasons: Feels left out, insecure, unloved, boredom.

Measures:

• Give a fair measure of attention
• Show interest in the child
• Provide interesting things to do
• Share oneself with the child
• One of the best ways to attend to a child is to show the child the same respect we would show an adult

Lack of attention:

If child pay less attention for the work or forget the things, makes careless mistakes and look like day dreaming, it’s time to find out the real causes and issues of such behaviour. A number of learning and attention issues can interfere with a child’s ability to focus. The one most closely linked to attention problems is ADHD if such behaviour prolongs for more than 6 months. These symptoms may be especially noticeable during homework time.

Reasons: Psychological needs are not met, monotonous work, lack of interest

Measures:

• Help your child to obtain interest in doing things
• Nurture child’s social life
• Change parenting strategies
• Help him to learn
• Show interest in child’s activities and support

Fear:

It is very common in all the children to have specific fears at some point in their childhood. When children grow up they learn more about the world, some things will become more confusing and frightening, these fears usually disappears on their own and expands his experiences. Fear is very normal part of growing up. It is a sign that your child started to understand the world and try to make sense of what it means for them. With time and experience children will come to figure out for themselves that the things that seem frightening aren’t so at all. Over time, they also realise that they have an incredible capacity to cope.

Reasons: previous painful experience, strangeness, feeling uninvolved or guilty, strangers, change of house, the dark, being alone at home, scary news or TV shows.

Measures:

• Have strong bond with your child with regular eye contact
• Minimise the number of care takers at home
• Maintain calm
• Talking and singing to your child creates foundation of trust
• Touch your child often which makes him comfort and secure

Hurting others, destroying things:

Children with attachment problems tend to hurt themselves, others, animals and destroy material things. These are the behaviours that threaten or cause physical harm and may include fighting, bullying, being cruel to others or animals, using weapons, and forcing another into sexual activity sometimes. If not identified and controlled in early stage this may leads to conduct disorder.

Reasons: Lack of love, neglecting the elder child and giving more attention to younger ones, not fulfilling the needs, insecure, troubled feelings, anger, parents don’t know how to discipline a child.

Measures:

• Divert attention
• help the child to play happily
• appreciate child for his achievements
• show love and give attention, love both children equally
• support for good things
• teach the child that there are some things which should not do
• take away the hurting objects calmly and firmly.

Refuse to share:

Possessiveness is a natural part of child’s growing awareness. During second and third year, as the child goes from oneness to distinctiveness he develops identity separate from mother and says ‘its mine!’ , ‘I will do myself!’ which are the earliest words to come out from pre-schoolers. Every year has different type of expressions in sharing. The first year of life child doesn’t want to share his mother, the two year old has problem in sharing her/his toys. They are too much attached with dolls and it becomes their part of their life. Convincing her to share doll/ toys with another child is difficult and they do not feel safe and secure to do. Even four to five year old child shares only selective things and reserve precious things only for herself/himself. As children begin to play with each other and cooperate in their play, they begin to see the value of sharing. It depends on child’s temperament. When children are not connected with parents they don’t like to share anything. Sense of connection keeps a child in balance.

Reasons: Left alone, too young to share, need for experience in owning and sharing, lack of attention and connection with parents, not listening to child’s needs.

Measures:

• love your child
• listen to him
• connect with him
• spend energy to play with him
• build trust with your child
• let the child know what it means to own things
• provide experiences as she is ready for them

Isolation:

There are numerous reasons why children feel lonely and they may not have friends who want to spend time with them. Sometimes they may be surrounded with people but feel that they are isolated since these people do not share or understand their feelings/challenges. Some research says that children with learning and attention issues are more likely to struggle with loneliness than their peers. They may have a harder time coping with feelings that come with loneliness. For these type of children its harder to entertain themselves when they are alone. Children who are isolated feel that others are rejecting him and he may lose confidence in himself and eventually he believe that he has nothing valuable to offer.

Reasons: children with emotional and behaviour problems have feeling of isolation, lack of interpersonal relationships in family, lack of love, social fear, anxiety, low socio-economic background.

Measures:

• Try to figure out why child is isolated
• arrange social interactions
• help child to feel he is important
• recognise child’s strength and motivate him
• enhance relationships in family as well as in society

Disturbed sleep:

Many parents keep complaining about the inadequate or improper/disturbed sleep of their children. Some children do not sleep peacefully whole night because of which they appear to be tired off and drained out the next day. Doctors report that children who do not get adequate sleep during the night will suffer from memory as compared to those who sleep adequately. Such children may suffer from common ailments like cough, cold and other communicable diseases very soon. Lack of sleep reduces a person’s ability to acquire information and working capacity. For children of all ages adequate sleep is very important as like proper diet. Complete sleep plays a vital role in keeping the child active mentally and physically. A child with good sleep habits results in giving good ability in all the activities if he gets good sleep during the nights. If he do not get adequate sleep or if he suffering from disturbed sleep may tends to become irritable, he feel exhausted and affects day-to-day activities, do not show interest in games, doze off during class hours, suffer from headaches, feel tired and sick.

Reasons: sleeping during day time, tensed atmosphere at home, father coming late from work, quarrel at home, studying late night, improper sleep schedule, attention seeking, interest or curiosity, not sleepy, frequent scolding’s or punishment from parents.

Measures:

• Make going to bed a happier experience
• play with child before going to bed
• have good relationships with family members and avoid quarrelling in-front of child
• avoid over stimulating experiences at bed
• see that child’s needs are met before going to bed
• do not allow the child to watch TV in the night
• keep the child engaged in various activities throughout the day
• keep away the child from stress- tension
• have a soothing night bulb, sing lullaby, tell good stories at night time

Aggressive:

Aggressive behaviour in children may be due to their brain patterns that have been shaped by prior experiences such as specific social experiences, trauma, complex relationships. These brain patterns, in turn, trigger the “fight response.” And the child responds aggressively to ward off the perceived threat. This process is often unconscious, and immediate, and out of the child’s control. Aggressive children may be quarrelsome and verbally violent. They may have difficulty controlling their temper and are easily upset and annoyed by others. They are often defiant and may appear angry and resentful.Their aggressive behaviours can disrupt lessons in school and hurt, intimidate and frighten other children too.

Reasons: Genetic and/or temperamental influences, Insecure or disorganized attachment patterns, unrelieved stress, Lack of appropriate problem solving and coping strategies, Ineffective parenting style, Poor fit between parent and child, Family stress, lack of safe environment, brain injury.

Measures:

• Be patient
• avoid physical punishment
• reward for non-aggressive behaviours
• provide warm supportive and assertive parenting style
• teach appropriate behavioural skills
• and eliminate child stress

Stealing:

Many children have the habit of picking up things/stealing from the school or from friends. In the beginning they pick up the things innocently, just to see the things. If they not observed of this behaviour they start continuing and even steal money. Some parents feel happy if their child brings pencil, eraser, and notebook from some other child’s bag and encourage the child to do so. This habit of stealing should be nipped in the bud.

Reasons: the basic tendency to collect things, inquisitiveness about things; desire to display courage, jealousy, extreme discipline, discrimination amongst children, show-off, over discipline.

Measures:

• Parents should be lovable and sympathetic towards child’s needs
• give opportunity to develop his natural instincts
• if child steals something from his friend
• ask him to keep it back or return without encouraging
• provide peaceful atmosphere at home

Conclusion:

Parenthood is a big task for everyone. When child starts growing, parents greatly troubled by the problems associated with their children. So parents as well as teachers should have thorough knowledge about the need, nurture, and tendency of their child. Parents should be able to empathise and help child overcome the behaviour problems and reintegrate with the family, school and social environment around her or him which prevent many problems from taking a form.

References:

• Berk,L.E (2007), Development through the lifespan, third edition, Pearson Education, New Delhi
• Jaya.N.,& Subhadra Narasimhan (2000). Parenting children below 2 years, Abacus foundation, Coimbatore.
• MahaveerSwarnkar(2016).Role and preparation of counsellor, LinkedIn Corporation , USA Gibson, R.L.(2008). Introduction to Counselling and Guidance, 7th edition, Prentice-Hall of India Private Limited, New Delhi