28 Family Crises – Parental Separation, Divorce, Alcoholism, Step Parenting

G. Baradha

1 Introduction

India is a pluralistic and multi-ethnic society, consisting of extremely complex family systems. The major dimensions of this complex organization are its structure and compositions, patterns of role relationships, dynamics of interaction, value systems and family ethos. The past few decades have witnessed numerous influences on and changes within the Indian family system. The uncertainty and rapidly shifting climate of modern social, political and economic life in India has rendered families vulnerable to a host of challenges and difficulties. More than ever before, families need to become better equipped to handle internal stresses and problems and confront external threats and demands.

The range and variety of problems that Indian families face are developmental and everyday problems faced by all families at one time or another. The need for understanding family problems has been emphasized in order to prepare family members to face these problems successfully, so that they can have healthy and satisfying life.

Objectives

By learning this lesson one can

• understand all the problems faced by the Indian families which is also known as crisis, in general,
• learn the reasons and remedial measures for the crises such as parental separation, divorce, alcoholism and step parenting

2 Family Crises

A crisis is an incident or problem occurs all of a sudden for which there is no immediate solution. It is something that makes one strive for a different and unusual solution. Family living is a constant process from day to day, week to week and year to year. It is implement only when family members fail to do their share in making the business of home living easy and smooth. When difficulty arises in the family, it is no cause for alarm. On the other hand, conflicts that occur too frequently and that never seem to get worked out arematters for concern. At times every person is irritated and irritating, thoughtless and discourteous.

Families in the contemporary society, accept the challenge that intimacy and constancy are necessary for a satisfying and happy life. Each family is unique, in its style of living and in the problems it faces. While some characteristics of the family are fundamental, many changes as the family unit deals with challenges at different developmental stages. When the changes are sudden, causing disorganization and disruption in the structure of family or it can be said that the family is in crisis.

Crises are sometimes of instability, necessitating, problem solving skills, decision making and adjustment. Sometimes, the problems develop because of events outside the family e.g. natural calamity such as hurricane, earthquake, flood, war, national economic depression or closing of a plant where family members work.

At other times, the problems occur within family system due to the loss of family member, conflict that erupts in family violence, divorce or alcoholism. Internal problems or crises tend to demoralize a family, increasing resentment, alienation and conflict. Sometimes, a crisis develops out of whole series of small internal and external events that build up to the point where family members cannot cope up with the series of events. Some examples are:

• unwanted pregnancy
• shifting to a new place
• financial problems due to the closing of industrial sites
• heavy debt which is unable to clear
• accidents
• runaway situations
• infidelity
• alcoholism / drug abuse
• death
• divorce
• family violence
• child / spouse abuse
• sexual abuse
•  extra marital relationship
• economic distress
• conflict in marriages
• single parent families
• victimization
•  childlessness

   Thus, any rupturing of family relationships, which forces reorganization of the family pattern, not only constitutes a family crises but also is a threat to family unity. All these events /   problems can be categorized under i) demoralization; ii) dismemberment; iii) separation; iv) distortion in quality of parenting.

*   Types of family crises in different stages of life i) Married couple stage

v Infidelity – Adults involve in extra material affairs due to ambivalence about marriage, seeking pleasure and excitement, permissive values, ulterior motives and the need to build one’s ego.

• In-law problems
• Divorce
• Spouse abuse
• Wife abuse – violence against women
• Sexual abuse – marital rape, teasing, molestation and indecent representation
• Childlessness

Conflict in relationship in the areas of money management discipline of children, personalities, habits, sexual relationship and physical or verbal violence.

ii) Child bearing and rearing stage

v Role conflicts – occurs when the demands of one role interface with an role. Feeling neglectful. Not realising the expectations of others. Fighting for internalized norms. Making time of kin and friends.

• Role overload – Dual earner families with young children are burdened by role overload.
• Illness – Families with young children and with ageing members go through bouts of sickness more often.
• Transition to parenthood – The birth of the first child is a crisis – in that it calls for re-organisation of the family. Parenthood is a critical experience and that marital satisfaction drops sharply with the birth of the first child.
• Child marriage – The practice of child marriage is another example of child abuse. In rural areas child marriage is common. Child brides frequently suffer ill-treatment from their in-laws.
• Sibling violence – Battering a sibling is a form of violence that is granted a high degree of tolerance. Physical violence among siblings may result in suicide of the victim imprisonment or institutionalization of the perpetrator or running away of the victim. Violence of any kind brings down the family’s status
• Hospitalisation – People are hospitalized due to accidents, illness or bad injuries. It is very stressful time for the family members. During such time, the patient and family members must live through a continuing period of acute crises.

iii)   School going stage

v  Child abuse – includes physical assaults, malnourishment, abandonment, neglect and emotional or sexual abuse.

The causes for child abuse are

• lack of social and emotional maturity of parents
• broken homes or divorced parents
• poverty
• workloads in large families
• children with physical or mental defects
• authoritarian parents
• personality problems in parents
• economic stress
• stress associated with premature child
• lack of supportive network of family
• a child who is unusually aggressive, disabled, slow learner
• teenage pregnancy and parenthood
• alcoholism and drug abuse and related psychological problems

iv)   Adolescence stage

• sexual abuse
• adolescent – parent conflict
• alcoholism
•  illegitimacy
• runway situation
• drug abuse
•  suicide
• homicide
• step parents
• disgrace
• economic distress

  v)   Middle age stage

• emptynest
• widowhood
• children leaving home for their own job or settle in marriage – hence parents are left alone

  vi)   Old age stage

• health problems
• retirement
• financial problems
• elder abuse
• searching for reemployment
• bereavement – death of any due of the spouse
• single – parent mother / father
• economic distress
• desertion
• drug abuse

*   Family crises: Effects, coping strategies and possible prevention

• Common conflict management styles in marriage are:
• Avoidance of sulking behavior
• Avoiding an issue keeping yourself
• Avoid joking around and teasing
• Seeking new way to settle the disagreement.
• Seeking an outsider to act as a mediator to settle the conflict

Divorce

• Family life education
• Premarital counselling
• Marriage enrichment programme
• Temporary separation
• Marriage and family therapy

Alcoholism

• Wives have to use a variety of strategies to help the alcoholic.
• Act normal or natural, like nothing is wrong
• Take overall household responsibilities in the hope that an extremely pleasant, burden-free atmosphere will reduce the husband’s need to drink
• Select non-drinking companions or visitors for social occasions
• Money to be restricted
• Keep the husband busy with a variety of hobbies
• Seek the professional assistance

Infidelity

• The lines of communication must be open in the marriage relationship
• Strive to fulfill one another’s physical, social, emotional and intellectual needs through the relationship.
• Show respect, appreciation, approval and acceptance of one’s spouse
• Commit to sexual fidelity
• Avoid hetro sexual or extra-marital situations

Economic distress

• Income loss and economic strain are negatively associated with marital quality and family satisfaction, related to financial conflicts, the psychological
• instability of family members, marital tensions and hostility.
• A more positive approach  is  to  cut  expenditure  whenever  possible  and  to postpone major expenditure
• Selling property or possessions is sometimes necessary
• Taking a second job, in addition to one’s primary job may to help ease the financial burden

Run away and imprisonment

• Family  counselling  centres  play  an  important  role  in  the  prevention  ortreatment of all social evils
• In the case of runaway children they may be admitted in a juvenile home where they may be provided with primary education and counselling

Childlessness

• Various people have negative attitude towards the couple who are childless
• Wives are stigmatized
• Adoption and artificial insemination can improve family relationships, providing a childless couple

Chile abuse

•  Family life and parenthood educational programmes for parents or couples in schools, churches or community organisations about realistic expectations of children’s behavior and development at different stages

Desertion

• Providing therapy to improve attitudes and adjustments
• Loss of a child
• Retirement
• Suicide
• Widowhood
• Hospitalisation of a child

Drug abuse

• Primary preventive education activities to strengthen family life
• Secondary prevention involves early diagnosis and treatment, counselling services to young people
• Tertiary prevention includes the establishment of linkages with treatment and rehabilitation centres
• Parents can help by giving unconditional emotional and physical support to their child

Sexual abuse

• Moral and sex education should be made compulsory in schools and colleges
• Pornographic literature and blue films should be banned
• Sexual predators should be treated using psychological or medical techniques
• Separate courts should be constituted for cases of sexual abuse
• Awareness on sexual abuse could be created through mass media
• School officials and teachers should learn about signs and symptoms of childhood sexual abuse for identification purpose.

3 Parental Separation

Parental separation can be considered in two ways. Parents – father mother separation leading to single parent family and secondly children separated from parents.

* Father – Mother separation

A family in which father-mother may be separated for a longer duration due to job or due to divorce, in such cases children may live with single parent. If it is due to the job of the father, the child may live with the mother in woman headed family. In such type of families, children live under the guidance of the mother; fatherlessness at home, may lack the guidance in day to day life and no role model for the male children. Children from women headed families may be affected in their academic activities, games and sports. In case if the mother remarries, there would be distortion in quality of mothering.

Similarly if the child is living with father because of the mother’s death, ill health, divorce or remarriage of the mother, children live with the father. Such families, father’s absence at home is longer, no proper care to children, fulfillment of the needs may be affected. No role model for the girl children. Children have to take up the family responsibility, hence the children’s studies may be affected. The condition of children would be worst if the father marries an another girl. The step child – step mother relationship would be miserable in most of the cases.

* Children separated from parents

Children are separated from both the parents or any one may be any one or all of the following categories:

i) Death of the parents

ii) Temporary separation

iii) Multiple parenting

iv) Distortion in quality of parenting

i) Death of the Parents

Children are left alone due to the death of the parents may be because of illness or accident. Children may live with grandparents / aunts / uncles or stay in a hostel or in an orphanage.

ii) Temporary separation

Children may be separated from parents temporarily in the case of parents work outside the residing area, illness, residing in the hostel for the sake of good education aimed which in far off place.

iii) Multiple parenting

Children reared by many other relatives such as grandparents / aunts / uncles / care taker in addition to mother. In this situation children are reared by many on their own styles; hence children may be confused to which role model to be followed ultimately ends with stress. In addition, adults may show different attitude and practice for their children and these children, which leads to the feeling of insecurity.

iv) Distortion in the quality of parenting

Children born too early, prior to the planning of the young couples who spend money and time on establishing the household; only boy among many girls, only girl among many boys, step child and disabled children are reared in a different way. May be rejection attitude or authoritarian style of child rearing are common. In such situation children do not feel happy and contented at home.

*   Effects of parental separation on children

•  Children’s needs are not fulfilled
• No proper role model to follow
• No proper guidance for the right path
• Children’s rights are not met
• Poor health condition
• Inadequate feeding
• No proper schooling
• In some cases child labour exists
• Poor academic progress
• Lack of concentration, memory power
• Feeling of inferiority complex and insecurity
• Children become rebellious or timid
• No involvement in play, creativity

Anyhow the effect may vary from family to family.

4 Divorce

Legal separation of the couple permanently is known as divorce. Causes and effects of divorce vary from individual to individual, family to family, community to community and areas. The number of divorce cases are increasing in an alarming way year by year.

*   Causes

•  Lack of adjustments between the couple
• In-law problems
• Dowry
• Childlessness
• Status of the family in both sides
• Infidelity of the spouse
• Premarital relationship
• Inferiority complex among the spouse
• Sexual abuse
• Patriarchal system
• Nature of the job

*   Effects

Effects on husband, wife and children are different, children are more affected because of the verdict of the court to stay with either of the parents. If the child is with the mother, father’s affection, guidance and role model may not be there. Mainly children would be affected in their studies, financial problem may crop up. If the child is with the father, maternal care, affection, nurturance may be missing. If remarried, step mother problem will be there. In both the cases children have to shoulder lot of responsibilities both inside and outside the home. Child abuse, sexual abuse, child labour and unable to enjoy the child’s rights is some of the common problem seen among children.

*   Measures to be adopted

• Family life education to parents
• Prematerial and post-material counselling
• Marriage enrichment programme
• Trial separation
• Marriage and family therapy
• Premarital dating to understand each other

5 Alcoholism

Alcoholism creates a family crisis because the disease affects the whole family. Like the alcoholic, family members also go through various stages as they attempt to cope with the crisis.

*   Causes

• Bad companionship
• Pleasure seeking attitude
• Initially enjoyment and become an addict
• Family problems
• Personal problems
• Joblessness

*   Effects

Effects depend on who is the alcoholic (father, son, mother) and what is the economic status. If the father is the alcoholic, children would be more affected that too if there is financial insecurity exists. Children may be adopting this bad habit. Education may not be completed. Insecurity among the family members may prevail. Family responsibilities may be shouldered by the mother heavily.

*   Measures

• Counselling to be given
• Family life education to be strengthened
• Good understanding among family members to be established
• Job opportunity to be found out.

6 Step parenting

In the case of the death of parents, separation of the parents, chronic illness of any one of the parent and divorce of the parents, remarriage take place; in such families step parenting process is on. It is needless to mention that it is the weakness of the parents to treat the children of the previous mother in a lower status. This kind of attitude is known as distortion in quality of parenting such as, authoritarian style of parenting in which parents are dominant, orders children, no freedom, unfulfilment of needs, verbal abuse, physical abuse, denial of child’s rights, lack of love and affection, expectation of too much of perfection and punishment for wrong doings. Children reared by this technique used to be very rebellious or submissive and expectation of such behavior from others.

Conclusion

Problems within a family unit affect all members. Families with problems have certain needs, require specific coping skills and therefore may be considered high risk families. When couples have strained relationships, children feel the effects, even when parents try to hide the conflict. In the same way, chronic illness, disability in a family member, unemployment, divorce or death or any other family problems disturb the whole family system, potentially affecting both the physical and mental health of all family members. Family intervention / family life education / family counselling and family therapy to be provided in a holistic approach, to avoid family crises and to lead a happy and contented life.

References:

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