20 Counselling Parents on Understanding Children’s Behaviour and Disciplinary Techniques

1 Introduction

Children behaviour is unique for every child. It is one of the means of communicating to the society. Every behaviour has a meaning. Parents have to be patient, understand and learn to effectively interpret their infant’s communication, which help them to feel secure. Understanding and knowing about your child is not a single moment, parents have to move through a journey of observing, understanding and responding to a child’s behaviour.

Learning objectives

• Understanding children’s behaviour at different stages
• Identifying developmental milestones in all the stages
• Tracing typical behaviour to assess developmental delays
• Understanding child’s health status

    Every child is unique. Parents are often comforted to know that all children behave similar to the in the same way as like child they are dealing with. Parenting is one of the biggest challenges for adult human being which starts from the day of conception. Every parent has to remember that behaviour at all ages of childhood differ, although typical or average behaviour can be identified at their chronological age.

Here I am going to explain to you how a child’s typical behaviour will be at every stages of developments even his/her chronological age younger/older. Every parent should be aware that an individual child’s developmental capabilities and needs cannot be labelled or stereotyped.

2 Infants (Birth to 2 years)

Can anyone resist the soft, warm and cuddly baby having an innocent smile on her face? No… not at all. Showing love and affection by holding, hugging, kissing, feeding and caressing a baby is absolutely a necessary part for developing positive physical, emotional, mental and social development. Hence the first years of life are very important for the infantile developments; careful planning of basic care and nurturing routines will help the child to develop better emotional, social, intellectual and physical growth. Lazy or haphazard care will damage the overall growth and development and also lead to greater risk for the child. Now I am going to explain you the common infants’ behaviour which you can observe generally.

•   Baby cries

A typical adult can understand that child cries are for the usual reasons-need for changing a diaper, hunger, rocking the cradle for sleep and when uncomfortable. Many parents may not be trained to handle babies who cry, hence more experienced grandparents or siblings help in the care for the new baby.

Classical conditioning: When baby begins to cry and at the same time parent/caregiver shows toys or balloons to make child stop crying (unconditioned stimuli). When baby may begin to cry whenever he/she sees those toys or balloons becomes conditioned stimulus (pairing unconditioned stimuli with a naturally occurring stimulus response) in newborns.

Operant conditioning: It’s quite different from classical conditioning. This occurs when child’s unstructured actions (such as crying) are reinforced by gratifying rewards (chocolates, eatables, toys). A mother may not respond to unconditioned rooting reflex may cause child to cry even more and also frustrated because of not responding.

Older babies’ cry may be fake but it is a learned behaviour from the past experience (for milk). If infant cries for a prolonged period, that behaviours does not stem from manipulativeness or any other kind of conscious intention from internal discomfort, stress, fatigue or external influences. Recent scientific findings show that infants reared by soft-caring attentive parents/adults in a very safe-predictable environment develop more brain capacity and become more competent learners than infants reared with less attention in less secure environmental settings (Darla Ferris Miller, 2000).

• Reflexes

  Babies’ brain has been designed to make certain behaviours’ automatically from the moment of birth. They progress gradually by reflex behaviour and associate things through seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting and smelling.

Many of these primitive responses will disappear in a few months as your baby’s body becomes more organized and he no longer needs them.

Meanwhile, you can keep tabs on his development by performing these funs and fascinating checkups…

Rooting reflex– if u Stroke the side of your baby’s cheek with your fingers or breast and she’ll turn her head toward it, open wide, and begin to make sucking movements with her mouth.

Moro reflex– Sit your baby upright for a few seconds with your hands lightly gripping her. She’ll throw out her arms and legs and extend her neck, as if to say….. Pick me up!

Grasp reflex-Stroke your baby’s palm with your finger. She’ll immediately grab your finger and hold on

Tonic neck reflex-When your baby is lying on her back, gently turn her head to the right. Her right arm will shoot out in front of her and she’ll raise her other arms above her head. she’ll do the same thing on the opposite side if you turn her head to the left.

Withdrawal reflex-When your baby is sitting cheerfully in her bouncy seat, suddenly bring your face close to her. she’ll quickly turn her head away in another attempt at self-protection.

These r all about reflex behavior.

• Trust

A famous psychologist Eric Erickson (1982) says, trust developed during infancy is a primary foundation for strong emotional attitudes which build upon all the way through life. Sometimes babies do cry because of internal distress, through classical and operant conditioning. Child can experience dependable and pleasurable response from parent/caregiver. So parent should be aware of what type of environment has to be provided to the baby to value and trust and surrounding environment is the first step to develop self-esteem in children. Touching also has immense effect on child’s emotional and social health during infancy.

• Anxious emotions

   Secure attachment during infancy is very important for emotional and social development. Attachment has long lasting effect for emotional bonding with the primary caregiver. Infants when securely attached with parent have a steady and positive emotional bond; they usually get disturb when mother goes away from their eyes.

Insecure-avoidant infants have anxious emotional link with the mother and are likely to turn away from her even when she returns.

Insecure-ambivalent attachment is an anxious emotional behaviour, here babies seek to be near to the mother and also angrily contact with her when she returns.

Father attachment also helps a child to be outgoing, agreeable and happy in their marriage. Sensitive care giving and secure attachment helps every child to enhance mental growth and minimizes behaviour problem (Dennis Coon, John O.Mittere, 2007).

• Thumb sucking

Thumb sucking is very normal in infants and young children. Most babies have a natural urge to suck but it is not a problem under the age of four. But many parents push their babies thumb out of their mouth, but it won’t help them since they doesn’t even realise what they are doing. Some parents also put elastic bandage, applying neem juice, covering finger with cloth all these looks like a punishment to small kids especially when it becomes a habit for them to seek comfort and security. Pressuring a baby to stop doing it also intensifies to do it even more. So just ignore it if a child is too small.

4 Preschoolers (2-6 years)

This age is called by various names like early childhood, toy age, exploratory age, problematic age and imitative age. Preschoolers spend most of their time with toys and develops distinctive personalities in the form of obstinate, stubborn, disobedient, negative and antagonistic behaviours. Young children may not realise what they are doing and usually express what they feel inside. Parents should always allow them to express their feelings, but when it comes to negative behaviour parents can say “No it’s not good, I don’t like it and I will not talk if you behave in this way”. Sometimes parents also can learn to say that “it’s okay but it should not hurt others”. Preschoolers often show varieties of emotions/behaviours, these are;

• Imitation

Preschoolers usually imitate their parents; here child not only takes over the actions of their parents but also their feelings, moods and ideas.

• Temper tantrums

  A temper tantrum is a sudden, unplanned display of anger or other emotions. It is not just an act to get attention. During a temper tantrum, children often cry, yell, and swing their arms and legs. Temper tantrums usually last 30 seconds to 2 minutes and are most intense at the start. Sometimes temper tantrums last longer and are more severe. The child may hit, bite, and pinch.

Practically they experience most of their emotions normally as like adults. Example anger, fear, jealousy, envy.

• Guilt

   According to Erickson, negative outcome in early childhood causes children to feel guilt due to criticism, punishment by parents/adults.

• Bed wetting

  It is a nocturnal enuresis refers to the unintended passage of urine. Children cannot able to control urine during night time and some parents may conclude that child is wetting the bed out of laziness.

Wet beds always leave bad feelings all around with children emotions. According to National Institute of Health, bed wetting is involuntary urination after the age 5 or 6 and most of our children experiences it! But kids do worry “there’s something wrong with me” especially when siblings tease them. Behaviour therapy helps a child to overcome this problem. These may be limiting fluids during bed time; bed wet alarms, bladder training and rewards for dry bed can really help to solve the problem.

•  Self-concept

  During early childhood children develop a set of attributes, attitudes, abilities and values which defines who is he/she is? Preschoolers also describe themselves according to their emotions and attitudes which give awareness of their unique psychological characteristics.

•  Possessiveness

  Preschoolers are very possessive and always claim their objects as “hey its mine” which is not a sign of selfishness but rather it’s a sign of developing selfhood. This will help children to solve problems through playing games.

• Self esteem

   Children make their own value and feelings connected with judgement. Self esteem is an very important aspect of self development which will evaluate one’s competencies or efforts that affect their emotions, future behaviour and psychological adjustments.

• Self regulation

   By age 3-4 children learn to verbalise their emotional arousal in a more comfortable way than before. When parents feel difficulty in controlling children’s anger, temperament… preschoolers will have continuous problems with self regulation which will later affect psychological adjustments. Child’s temperament also has negative effect on emotional self regulation.

• Empathy

  Children who are outgoing and superior in regulating emotions are appropriate in responding to others in distress with care. Parental sensitive reactions will help a child to understand people around them. Parents should be a role model and have strong respectful relationship, kind interaction with others makes child to learn from their parents.

4 School age (6-12 years)

This age is also called by many other names such as gang age, middle childhood, age of creativity, play age. This age is marked by ‘industry vs inferiority’; at this age child wants to take initiative to explore the environment, if he succeeds he feel happy and encouraged, and otherwise he feels inferior.

•  Need for security

Sense of security is very important even in middle childhood by continuing to show love, affection, proper discipline etc.

• Fear of failure

Fear of failure in school children will negatively affect their attitudes. Children need to be praised, encouraged for their performance which makes them happier and helps to minimize their fear.

• Sibling rivalry

  It is common in middle childhood and is filled with jealousy if parents pay attention to younger ones. Parents should make sure that sufficient attention is also given to the older sibling and make him proud of the new baby.

• Attention

    Attention becomes more selective, adaptable and planful. These three aspects are essential for the success in school; if they fail to pay attention they will be having serious learning and behaviour problem. Parents should aware that arguing with children will not help instead should stay calm, make children pressure free, leaving kids to make wise choice can help child to get rid of the problem.

5 Late childhood (12-18 years)

It is also called adolescent age, genital stage, and teen age. Complex hormonal changes make teens to attain growth spurt. Puberty also makes changes in emotional state, social behaviour.

•   Moodiness

A change in hormones leads to moodiness and fluctuates in decision making. These feelings are less stable and mood swings are strongly related to life events, parenting, school environment and peer relations.

• Body image

  Early maturation linked to positive body image whereas late maturation leads to dissatisfaction in case of boys. Whereas in girls it is reverse, early matured girls report less positive body image which will affect their self-Behaviour and Disciplinary Techniques esteem and psychosocial wellbeing. Family therapy, parent-child interactions will help them to come out of these problems.

• Confusion

   Adolescence is a period of development of self concept. Here individuals are in search for identity (what is his/her role?) and also confused with their own roles (John Antony, 1996).

• Infatuation

  First attraction during teenage is very common. During this age, love may be more like having fun, status symbols, getting to know each other’s all these may be called as ‘infatuation’. During each and every stage of infatuation your teen’s body is being flooded with hormonal changes which keep her going back more! Parent should know that physical, psychological and hormonal changes keeps their teen’s to fall in infatuation. Parents should develop a close bond as children grow up, have open communication, don’t start up a fight and blow the issue out of proportion.

6 Temperament styles of children

Temperament research begins with Alexander Thomas, who found 9 traits as part of temperament (Thomas et al 1970).

7 Temperament types:

All these 9 traits combine to form three basic types of temperaments as mentioned below. Nearly 65 percent of all children fall under one of these three patterns. By understanding these patterns, parents are able to modify their parenting approach in the areas as expectations, encouragement, and discipline in order to suit the child’s unique needs. The developmental processes characterize not only mother – infant attachment, but also father – infant relationships.

• Easy or flexible

  These children are normally calm, happy, regular in eating and sleeping habits. They are adaptable, and will not upset easily. Because of their flexible style, parents have to to set aside particular times to talk about the child’s frustrations and hurts since the baby won’t demand or ask for it. This communication will be supportive for parent-child bonding.

• Difficult, active, or feisty

Some children are often fussy, irregular in feeding and sleeping habits, frightened of strangers and situations, easily disturbed by noise and intense in their reactions. Parents have to provide sufficient areas for vigorous play to work off stored up energy and frustrations.

• Slow to warm up or cautious

  These children are comparatively inactive and fussy, tend to withdraw or show negative reactions to the situations. This may gradually become positive with repeated exposures. Parents have to allow a child to get enough time to establish better relationship with the new environment/situations.

According to latest research conducted in 2015 by Anuja and Dr.Jaya regarding fathering role in child care, It is found that father’s education level has a significant influence on managing child’s temperament, educated fathers feel easy in managinginfant’s temperament than others.

Every behaviour of a child is greatly determined by parents or adults responses to the child’s temperament. Careful observation, alterations in parenting styles can help infants to behave in an acceptable manner.

8 Health of children

Health is the most precious gift for children which maintained by parents. It is a complete physical, mental and emotional wellbeing. Many of the parents know basics of maintaining good health of their children by offering healthy and hygienic food, safety, immunization. Along with this, regular medical checkups also very important to prevent problems. Ensuring good health status for children requires sufficient knowledge, so no parent should be negligent, irresponsible when it comes to health of their child. Other than these aspects children should be seen for following health issues:

To promote Physical health

Parent should have fundamental responsibility in maintaining good health of their child. Parents have to be aware that there are several aspects that will have impact on physical health. So one should focus on nutritious food, safety and security to provide optimal promotion of physical health.

For mental health

Parental role is to mentor child with proper guidance through developing personality, knowledge, skills, and habits. Parental care, cuddling, appreciation, prompt response, rewards etc are all promotes good mental health.

To promote emotional health

Children learn emotions by parental attitudes. Parental communication, feelings, healthy nurturing, reasonable rules, interactions improves child’s self esteem. This will make them emotionally healthy child.

Children are vulnerable in the society so every parent should be aware of preventing common childhood health related issues. Proper immunization schedule, hygienic environment, nutritious food (balanced food) and safety can be provided by parents/caregiver.

9 Disciplinary techniques

Discipline is the process of teaching a child what type of behaviour is acceptable in the society. Disciplinary techniques can be organised by parents to conform expected patterns of behaviour from their children. Parenting styles will show set of attitudes, beliefs and goals in their daily interactions (Jaya et al 2006). Diana Baumrind has identified three types of parenting. This involves:

• Authoritarian parenting style

   This is an extremely strict form of parenting which expects a child to follow strict rules and regulations set by the parents. This is a form of high parental demandingness (control over child) which has low parental responsiveness.

• Permissive parenting style

These parents are more responsive than they are demanding. They are non controlling, don’t offer punishment and also doesn’t serve as a role model. They seem more likely to be a friend rather than parent.

• Democratic parenting style

 Parents are respected and treated their children followed by rules which will have good and bad choices. Here children are encouraged to make their daily choices followed up with parents. In this parents want their children to understand why certain behaviours are acceptable and why certain are not?

Conclusion

Fighting with them, pointing out the behavioural problems will increase the crisis rather than resolving. Identify the problem and solve it carefully. Our kids always play and come up with wounds, parents always should be there to put bandage and heal the wound. “Our children require us most of all to love them for what they are, not to spend our whole life trying to correct them”. Rather than being a parent, be a close friend to your kids which minimises the behavioural problems.

References:

• (http://ohioline.osu.edu/flm02/FS05.html)
• Berk,L.E (2007), Development through the lifespan, third edition, Pearson Education, New Delhi
• Berk,L.E (2001), Awakening children’s minds:How parents and teachers can make a difference, Oxford university press, New York
• Dennis Coon et al (2007), Introduction to psychology-Gateways to mind and behaviour, copyright Thomson Wadsworth, Akash press, New Delhi