25 Concord in the Family – Sympathised Values in Human Relationships

1.  Learning Outcome

2.  Introduction

3.  Feelings in relationship

4.  Recognizing and Fulfilling these Feelings 4.1 Justice

4.2 Mutual happiness

4.3 Recognizing Relationships with others based only on the Body

4.4 Relationships largely based on the Exchange of Physical Goods

5.  Values in Human Relationships

5.1 Difference between ‘Attention’ and ‘Respect’

6. Response and Reaction

7. Summary

1. Learning outcomes

After completing this module, the students will be able to learn about the following:

• Teachings of concord in family.
• Discreet values in Human Relationships.

2.   Introduction

From the background of the human social order, a family is a group of people allied by same-bloodedness, likeness or co-residence or by some other combinations. Every one of us is naturally a part of a family that includes father, mother and siblings. Simultaneously, other relations also exit around the perception of family such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces etc. Aforesaid connections have an authenticity of our living together through beliefs & customs and as per our social philosophy etc. Outside family we have social podium through which we frequently interact with friends and colleagues. Be it in our educational institutions, our locality or the general public — friends are a noteworthy element of our lives for each and every one of us. In addition to our home and educational institution, we live in a higher social community order, where a whole range of relationships prop up the survival of our family and each one of them brings a certain value to our living. Initiation from our family together with our teachers, associates and all the dissimilar social associations, each one of us is born and lives in such relationships. This is an undividable ingredient of our living.

Have you shaped the relationships in your family, or were you born into them? Is it possible to create the relationships that do not exist in a family, no not at all? We are unsurprisingly born into this. In a similar way, the family has not made-up the social reliance in which it stay alive. The family exists naturally as a fraction of this social network of interdependency. So, we are surrounded in relationships, what we require to do is to be acquainted with them. We are naturally in relationship with each other. The body is only a way to state or take delivery of our relationship. For example, a lady has sense related to the baby she has given delivery to. The body of the kid has its source in the body of the mother. But neither mother’s body nor the baby’s has feelings. It is the nature of the mother and the kid who sense attachment. Like this, we have feelings in relationships naturally. They are not to be created, nor we can take away them. In the examples we took earlier, we can see that in each case, feelings are involved. We may try to suppress them, or argue against them, or undermine them, but they are very much there. These feelings are fundamental to the relationship and can be recognized.

3.  Feelings in relationship

Feelings are naturally in relations. They do not have to be created, nor can we remove them. We may try to suppress them, or argue against them, or undermine them, but they are very much there. These feelings are fundamental to the relationship and can be recognized. This is something you can easily verify yourself through them. For example: there is no organ in the body that wants Faith, no part of the body that wants respect. When you respect someone, you respect the human being, and not their body organs! When you ‘Faith’ someone, it is the human being, and not the body.

4.   Recognizing and Fulfilling these Feelings in Relationships

Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are subsequently able to identify the feelings. The feeling here means values. When we work and behave according to these feelings, it leads to fulfilment of both sides in the relationship, i.e. it leads to mutual fulfilment. Evaluation is a natural process when we live in relationships and we are constantly evaluating ours’ and the other’s feelings in the relationship.

4.1 Justice

Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their fulfilment, the right evaluation of the fulfilment resulting in mutual happiness. Thus there are four elements of justice: recognition of values, fulfilment, evaluation and mutual happiness ensured. When all the four are ensured, justice is ensured. Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice.

4.1 Mutual happiness

• We have to appraise ourselves whether we are capable to make certain justice in relationships.
• For this we need to analyses following questions:
• Do we want justice only on few incidents or every jiffy? Will the justice get ensured in the family or in law lords?
• In how many relationships and occasions, are we at present able to make certain justice?
• These are quite relevant questions in our daily life. We tend to feel that we are being subjected to injustice. But, we hardly ever appraise how just we are in our interactions.

4.3 Recognizing Relationships with others based only on the Body

We see ourselves as well as others as a body and we subsequently reduce our relationships and the feelings in the relationship to the level of our body. Whilst we are faced with unfamiliar person, it makes us uncomfortable. However, if, we are capable to perceive the relationship, then it places us at ease. Struggling against relationships only increases the problem for us; it increases the contradiction in us.

4.4 Relationships largely based on the Exchange of Physical Goods

As a result of mistaken assumption of us being only the body and the relationship with others being only at the level of body, we have reduced our expectations in relationships to the mere fulfilment of physical facilities. We evaluate all our relationships in terms of material things like money, property etc.

5. Values in Human Relationships

The feelings are definite and have ‘values’ in a relationship. Feelings of one self with the other are definite, can be recognized, understood and pleased. If we do not understand them, then we have problems, we feel we are never able to satisfy the other and this leaves us with rancour, even in our closest relations. Some feelings or Values in Relationships are mentioned below.

1.      Faith

2.      Respect

3.      Feeling of care

4.      Guidance

5.      Reverence

6.      Grandeur

7.      Thankfulness

8.      Love

Now we will elaborate on each of these:

1. Faith: faith is the introductory value in relationship. “To be assured that each human being    inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous.

2.Respect: Verify the following on the basis of your natural acceptance

What is naturally tolerable to you-feeling of respect or disrespect for you?

What is naturally tolerable to you-feeling of respect or disrespect for the other?

You will find chat each one of us has an acceptance for feeling of respect. Just as we desire this, the other also expects the same. Every human being wants to respect and be respected. Respect means “Right Evaluation”, to be evaluated as I am. Usually however, we make mistakes in our evaluation in the following three ways.

• Over Evaluation – To evaluate more than what it is. E.g. if you are wrongly pleased you feel uncomfortable.
• Under Evaluation -To assess less than what it is. E.g. if you are predestined, you feel rough.
• Otherwise Evaluation – To appraise otherwise than what it is.

E.g. if you are evaluated as something else, you feel uncomfortable.

What is happening in the above examples? We can see that any kind of over, under or otherwise evaluation makes us uncomfortable, we find it unacceptable. We feel ‘disrespected’. We say we have been insulted, when we are incorrectly evaluated. Even though it is the cause of many problems for us in relationship, we ignore the point about deference. Thus, respect means to rightly evaluate.

There are the different ways we differentiate between people today! Let us come across to these

2.1 On the basis of Body

Gender: We have such ideas as, we respect males more than females, or even the other way ound in some societies! We ignore the fact that being male or female is an attribute of the body, and not an attribute the level of ‘I’.

• Race: If the person is of the same race as oneself, then we treat them in a different way. For example, we differentiate on the basis of skin colour — white, brown, black, etc. etc.
• Age: We have notions such as ‘one must respect elders’. What about youngsters? Should we insult them? Age is related to the body, and not to ‘I’.
• Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we again treat him/her differently! This is again at the level of the body. In fact, we think that we are respecting the other while it is fear; the fear that if we do not treat them like this, we will be harmed.

2.2 On the basis of Physical Facilities

• Wealth: We differentiate people because some have more wealth than others. What we term as a “rich person” gets admired. We don’t even bother to find out whether such people are feeling prosperous, or if they just have wealth? Are they happy, or just have wealth? — This is evaluation on the basis of physical facilities.
• Post: This is a very common phenomenon. We cry co respect on the basis of a person’s position. Is this post directly related to the right Sympathised and feelings in the Self?-we seldom verify. The post is wrongly evaluated as the mark of a person’s excellence and differentiation sets in.

2.3 On the basis of Beliefs

• ‘Ism’: what does this mean? ‘Ism’ means any belief in terms of a ‘chough-system’ that we have, or that we have adopted. There are also many modern ‘Isms’ such as capitalism, socialism, communism, etc. The people following these sets of beliefs are called capitalists, socialists, communists, and so on!
• Sects: Sects are identified as having a set of beliefs which reflects itself largely in terms of certain traditions and practices. People of one sect only consider those with a similar belief system to be their ‘own’ and worthy of respect. Following a particular tradition, or what we call as religion, becomes the basis of respect and disrespect in relationship.

2.4 Difference between ‘Attention’ and ‘Respect’

There are a whole lot of surplus activities that people are betrothed in today, for the sake of respect. It can be actually funny if you start observing: people are climbing up mountains for the sake of fame, eating hot chillies and worms to be on TV this list is simply endless! If one understood the simple feet that what you can get from all this is only attention’ and that you cannot ensure the feeling of being in relationship, the feeling of right evaluation and respect in the other then all these people will feel very much at ease! Just think about it: all the while, people are uncomfortable inside, since they are struggling for the sake of respect. If I see my relationship with you, I shall anyway respect you. I accept you for what you are, a human being like me. You don’t have to do something special to earn this respect from me. The fact that you are human is enough for me to respect you.

3.  Feeling of Care

The feeling of Care carries the feeling to nurture and protect the body of our relative. We understand a human being as a co-existence of the Self (‘I’) and the Body, and the Body is an instrument of ‘I’. Based on this Sympathised, we take the responsibility of nurturing and protecting the body of our relative.

4. Guidance

The feeling of ensuring right Sympathised and feelings in the other (my relative) is called Guidance Right Sympathised and feelings are also a need of the other and the other is related to me. As a result I have the responsibility to help the other. Based upon this, I am able to recognize this feeling of ensuring Right Sympathised and feelings in my relative. This is called Guidance.

5. Reverence

The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called reverence. The feeling of accepting the excellence in the other is called reverence. Each one of us wants to live with continuous happiness and prosperity. Each one of us has the similar faculty of natural acceptance, has the same goal and program and we have the same potential to realize this.

6.   Grandeur

Grandeur is the feeling for someone who has made efforts for Excellence. We find that there have been people in the history, or even around us, who are investing their time, energy and their belongings to achieve excellence to make others excellent. This gives us a feeling of Grandeur for them.

7. Thankfulness

Thankfulness is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made effort for my excellence.” Thankfulness is a feeling coming out of assistance at the level of physical facilities. This feeling is short lived because the physical facility and the impression we get from it, is also short lived. But Thankfulness coming out of someone doing something for my right Sympathised is everlasting since the happiness we get from the right Sympathised is permanent.

8. Love

The feeling of being related to all is love. This feeling or value is also called the complete value since this is the feeling of relatedness to all human beings. It starts with identifying that one is related to the other human being (and it slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings. The feeling of love leads to an Undivided Society. It starts from a family and slowly expands to the world family. Every human being has natural acceptance for relatedness up to the world family in the form of love.

We can now conclude that there are definite values in human-to-human relationships which need to be understood and fulfilled accordingly. These values are Faith, Respect, Affection, Care, Guidance, Reverence, Grandeur, Thankfulness, and Love.

6.   Response and Reaction

If we look at our living today, it is largely in what we can call as ‘reaction’ mode, and not in ‘response’ mode. For want of proper Sympathised of relationships we keep ‘reacting’ to the behaviour of the other person, we are at the mercy of the situation. Only when we recognize the relationships in terms of appropriate values, we will be ‘responding’ to every situation and to every person in the right way.

7.   Summary

In this chapter we have tried to focus attention on the concord in the family, the concord in human-to-human relationships through a correct appraisal of values inherent in these relationships. The main points are summarized below: Family is the basic unit of human interaction, Human beings live in relationships. We are related to other human beings. It is essential to understand these human relationships we have, starting from the people we live within our family, to our friends and the people in society. These feelings can be recognized. Their recognition, fulfilment and evaluation leads to mutual happiness. There are eight feelings in human relationships. These are Faith, Respect, Affection, Care, Guidance, Reverence, Grandeur, Thankfulness and Love. Living with these feelings are our innate need. Problems arise in relationships as we are unable to ensure the continuity of these feelings. Faith is called the basic or foundation value. Faith means the assurance that at the level of intention, the other means well for me at all times, that the other wants my happiness. There is a difference between a person’s intention and their competence to fulfil that intention. We are all similar at the level of our intention, but differ in our competence to fulfil that intention. Respect means right evaluation, we correctly evaluate the other person: without over-evaluating, under-evaluating or evaluating the person otherwise. When we do not understand respect, we tend to differentiate on the basis of body, physical facilities or beliefs. The feeling of Care is the feeling of wanting to nurture and protect the body of our relative. The feeling of ensuring right sympathised and feelings in the other are called Guidance. The basic values or expectations to be understood in relationship are Faith and respect. If we have these, then the remaining of the values flow quite naturally. Only care requires physical facilities. For other feelings, what we need essentially is their proper sympathised. By living in relationship at all times in the family, we get the assurance that the other person is an aid to me and not a hindrance. The family is a laboratory of sorts, in which we Exchange. The way out is to understand and to live in concord at all the levels of living, right from oneself to the whole existence. This paves way for moving towards a universal human order on earth. Right sympathised in the individuals is the basis of concord in the family, which is the building block for concord in the society.

Suggested Readings

• Sanjeev Kumar Bhalla And Upa Bhalla”Human Values & Professional Ethics” Satya Publiation.
• Tripathy, 2003, Human Values, New Age International Publishers.
• Subhas Palekar, 2000, How to practice Natural Farming, Pracheen(Vaidik) Krishi Tantra Shodh, Amravati.
• Donella H. Meadows, Dennis L. Meadows, Jorgen Randers, William W. Behrens III, 1972, Limits to Growth – Club of Rome’s report, Universe Books.
• Ivan IIIich, 1974, Energy & Equity, The Trinity Press, Worcester, and HarperCollins, USA.
• F. Schumancher, 1973, Small is Beautiful: a study of economics as if people mattered. Blond & Briggs, Britain