11 Gendered Aspects of Family

Dr. Jaspreet Kaur

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Contents of this Unit

 

1. What is a Family?

1.1. The Ideal Indian Family

1.2. The Indian Family Forms and Relations

2. The Gender and Family

2.1. The Law of Dominance

2.2. The Division of Roles

2.3. Gendered Relationships

2.3.1.  The Husband and Wife Relationship

2.3.2.  The Brother and Sister Relationship

2.3.3.  The Parents and Children Relationship

2.3.4.  The Daughter-in-law and the Affinal Family relationship 

3. The Variations

3.1. North India and South India

3.2. Between Caste and Jati groups

4. The Changing Times

5. The Summary

 

 

Learning Objectives:

  • To understand the Indian family structure
  • To know about the gender based roles, rights, restrictions and reservations
  • To learn about the web of relationships between different family members based upon their age and gender
  • To compare these relations in different contexts like: North India vs South India and the different caste and jati groups
  • To study how these relationships have changed over time
  1. What is a Family?

According to G.P. Murdock, “a family is a social group characterized by common residence, economic cooperation and reproduction; it includes two sexes and a sexual relationship and one or more children (biological and adopted) of the sexually co-habiting adults. Functions that a family performs can be distinguished under two categories:

Biological functions:

  • It provides a legitimate platform for satisfaction of the sexual needs of its members in a manner accepted by society
  • Acts as a medium to ensure social continuity through biological reproduction
  • It tries to fulfil the basic requirements of shelter, calorific and metabolic needs like food intake, diet etc.
  • It acts as an economic unit and fulfils the economic needs. The members are actively engaged in productive activities (ranging from the hunting-gathering and agricultural ways of living to the white collared jobs) and ensure that the entire income is pooled together to satisfy their needs. The members may be engaged in similar or different jobs.
  • Family acts as a unit of consumption. For e.g., they share a common hearth which is expected to bind people together in some societies.
  • The members co-operate with each other in a meaningful way to make it economically viable.
  • There exists some kind of unspoken understanding between the members in household chores based on the principle of division of labor, age, gender, position and personal competitiveness and skills.

Social Functions:

  • The family performs religious functions on everyday basis. Some families may have their own God or deity for ensuring their protection.
  • It is a unit of primary socialization where the cultural values, basic skills and etiquettes develop under the nurture, care and guidance of the elders. So, family plays an educational function.
  • The family performs psychological functions which has implications on the personality of its members.

1.1. The Ideal Indian Family

 

An ideal Indian family is not a mere construct of a house and people, but it is an arrangement of relations widened through years of traditions, values and beliefs tied to the social norms and customs which have to be followed to make a successful continuance in an Indian village.

An Indian village is not just confined to its boundaries, but there is an old tradition of respect and identity which runs through the questions of what you are: both in terms of blood and the position in society. The prevalence of Caste and Jati system is still prevalent, in most of the North Indian villages, within which the practice of endogamy is prohibited.

A family forms the smallest unit of society, which is built through the consanguinal and affinal ties. The structure of an Indian family is majorly patrilineal and virilocal in nature, though in some South Indian communities like the Nayars of Travancore, Kerala, matriliny is observed. Though the trend is changing in the modern times, especially in the urban areas, the rural areas still practice the ancient rules of behavior, decorum and deference among the other people of different generations and sex.

An ideal Indian family is identified with the following expected characteristics:

  1. The filial and fraternal solidarity : It is expected that the brothers should live together with their families in the same paternal household with their parents, at least till they are alive. The brothers expected considered to share their paternal property, help each other in need and fulfil the relations of mutual obligations and respect. The village constitutes an assembly of different caste groups who share relations of interdependence and exchanges; such that they are a part of the arena of social contacts towards which there is a responsibility of every family to contribute their gesture of reciprocation. This is a major contributor to the fraternal solidarity which is governed by societal rules.
  2. The men of the household : The men of the household are expected to be engaged in economic activities and earn a living for the family. He is seen as a tough figure who is traditionally thought of bringing honor to the family. He owns the property and is responsible for taking control of both the family and external chores.
  3. The women of the household : They are expected to be loyal and submissive to their husbands and elders by showing respect through an exhausting list of behaviours and attitudes. She is the one who is often considered a liability at birth because of the added responsibilities and expenditures on her marriage. Also, as a custom it makes her natal family inferior infront of her affinal family members after marriage, so she in a way lowers the natal family status. Only if she abides to all the rules without showing her discomfort, she is respected in the long run.
  4. The maintained integrity of the members: A separated household lowers the family’s prestige in front of the society, whereas, a household with many couples living together with their children shows solidarity and enhanced mutual understanding and respect which displays the control of the head over the family affairs. Hence, such a family is considered as an epitome of an ideal Indian family tradition.
  5. The young children of the household: They ensure the continuity of the family, so more the number of children stronger the family is considered in terms of economy and persistence in society, thriving on the present and future of the family’s reputation.

These are the very general aspects of an ideal Indian family touching just the contours of a diverse Indian tradition of family values. This is further subjected to the complicacies of wealth, hierarchy in society, gender and religion, when these listed points may seem reversed. Such points will be dealt separately in this article.

 

1.2. The Indian Family Forms, Functions and Relations

 

An Indian family cannot be bracketed within a single family form. Many scholars have studied and listed different Indian family types, but a consensus has still not been reached because of ever changing dynamics and relations. With changing times even more diverse family types are emerging. The diverse basis of different scholars for categorizing Indian families are:

  1. Marriage: Polygynous, Polyandrous (Fraternal polyandry, non-fraternal polyandry), Monogamous etc.
  2. Rules of residence: Matrilocal, Uxorilocal, Patrilocal, Virilocal, Neolocal, Avunculocal.
  3. Decent/ ancestry: Patrilineal and matrilineal
  4. Nature of family relations: Conjugal family, Nuclear family, Composite family, Extended family, Joint family, Stem family, etc.

There may be more variations, but restricting ourselves to the major family type i.e., joint family; we will study the different roles of its members.

In simple terms a joint family comprises of the members of several generations of a unilineal descent group living with their spouses and children in the same house, sharing common hearth and property,

represented by the same head of the family and sharing ties of mutual obligations. Such a family observes, both vertical and horizontal expansion; and the personal freedom and autonomy is somewhat restricted.

The head of the family is generally the oldest male member of the house. He has full potential to dominate and regulate the members and the economy of the house. If he is dies, his eldest son takes over that position, but in that case the role of his mother cannot be neglected who has full participation in regulating the working of the household and taking final decisions in the family matters.

Every single person plays multiple roles and is connected to each other through the hierarchical barriers of age and sex which forms the basis of interaction and deference between two people. M.S. Gore stated that: “men have more decisive authority in the traditional Indian family as compared with the women” and “elders have greater authority as compared with the younger person”. A man plays a simultaneous role of a husband, a father, a son, a brother, a brother-in-law, and a son-in-law; on the other hand, a woman plays the role of a sister, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister-in-law and a daughter-in-law. This is again not just restricted to a single family domain but many families are interconnected through the ties of consanguinal and affinal relationships, near and distant relationships, and caste and jati relationship are present.

 

The function of a family is affected by the number of people who are part of the family and the nature of their family roles. When a new member joins the family, new relationships come into play.

  1. Gender and Family

Gender is considered as an important parameter of social stratification in India right from the birth of an individual, where one sex is given preference over the other. This is quite a general phenomenon observed with varying degree of expression in the North and South India. Females are theoretically revered and given a sacred position in the religious rituals and holy books, whereas in factual observation her same body and being is deterred from entering the holy premises during her impure phases (menstruation and childbirth) of life. She is not given any property ownership right, is restricted to the household premises, is not given any economic freedom and is bound under the social stigmas of suppression under her husband’s family. Some restrictions on expression are also observed in the case of menfolk, but they are confined to their age.

 

2.1. The Law of Dominance

The rule of dominance in an Indian family is two-faced: first it transfers the rights and powers to a person (preferably the oldest male) to take family decisions and regulate its functioning, and secondly binds him to look after the welfare of the other members who are hierarchically subordinate to him. “The oldest male of the highest generation is supposed to receive the most respect and obedience, the female at the opposite pole, the most protection and care” (Orstein, 1965. Pp 47-48). So, the power of dominance comes with added responsibilities towards the family.

 

A common hierarchical order based on sex and age in an Indian family is graphically demonstrated in Fig. 3.

2.2. The Division of Roles

 

In a patriarchal society like ours, the division of roles is determined by the sex of the person, and these roles to a huge extent are institutionalized. A woman is considered fragile both in terms of physical strength and mental ability to take decisions outside the household premises. So, a male who in societal terms is more strong and capable to control the household as well as external relations, is considered fit as the successor and beholder of the family’s reputation and functioning.

 

A woman on the other hand is considered prospective in maintaining the continuity of the family by bringing a male progeny into the house. This recruitment starts when a young boy of the family reaches an age around 13 to 14 years, and is expected to take some economic responsibilities from his father. A suitable girl who is aged less than the eligible boy and has not reached puberty is selected from a  family which is from a different clan and similar Caste and Jati as of the boy in North India, and preferably from the cross-cousin group in South India. As soon as she enters the household of her husband, she is simultaneously connected to a web of relationships defining her position and identity in her new home. At the same time, her natal family members become inferior in position in comparison to her husband’s household, and are expected to show their generosity towards them by playing important roles in rituals, taking care of her children, offering gifts and presentations to them on occasions and according to their needs. This role is unanimously played by the mother’s brother. A new bride, in front of her affinal kin is expected to keep her eyes lowered and mouth shut. She is trained to keep minimum communication with the male elders of the house and in some jatis it is completely prohibited.

In the husband’s house, she is taught the rules of the house by her mother-in-law. In North India, as she is a complete stranger to the family, she is supposed to keep Purdahas a symbol of respect to all the elders. She is not allowed to form contacts outside the kinship circle and expected to take care of the children and household. Another important role of the mother-in-law, is that she can instruct and command her son to control his wife. She has no visible say in the decision making process, but her interference is often experienced through household politics. If any misfortune occurs in the family before one year of her arrival, she is blamed and considered inauspicious. Her daughters are the one who are supposed to keep an eye on the behavior of the new bride and keep her mother updated. In South India, however, because of preference of marriage in a kin group, a woman feels comparatively freer in her new household.

The husband, on the other hand, is under the dominance of his father, who is also the head of the family and owns the property. He is economically and socially dependent on him, to gain an identity in his kingroup. If the husband is younger than his siblings, then he is also subjugated under the dominance of his elder brothers.

A new generation is created through the legal wedlock of the couple, and the child is welcomed to the paternal lineage and given his/ her father’s surname. From the birth, till the naming of the child, the mother is considered impure and is restrained from entering the sacred regions of the house. This child if a male, is cherished by the family and is expected to augment the position of the mother in the house. But, if a girl child is born, she is considered an economic burden who for life would be engaging them in a cycle of formalities to be borne by her brother. She is taught to obey the orders of her elders without much a say. Till puberty she is developed into a stern disciplined body ready to be freed from the ties of girlhood into a woman. So, a girl child is usually considered a curse in many Indian villages, whereas a boy is considered a blessing of God.

 

2.3. The Gendered Relationships

 

2.3.1.     The Husband and Wife Relationship

 

The relationship of a husband and wife is considered the decision of God in the Indian context. Though, there are barriers, rules and regulations on the conduct of the same. The young bride, who is trained in her natal household all the values to satisfy her husband and his family comes into force when she enters her husband’s family. Her position in the new house is dependent on her husband’s position in the house. She is taught to endure every problem silently. In North India, a husband is given the status of Pati Parmeshwar, i.e., a husband’s status is equivalent to God for a bride and in his every deed she must find her fate and so, abide to it. She is not allowed to take his name or address him in public. During meals, she is supposed to eat after her husband and while walking she must customarily follow behind her husband. The couple is expected to maintain a distance in the public domain. There is always an expectation to conceive as soon after marriage.

 

2.3.2.     The Brother and Sister Relationship

 

The responsibility of a mother is to induce the feeling of togetherness between the children irrespective of their gender and position in the house. This inculcates a strong bond between the brother and brother, brother and sister; and sister and sister. Ideally, there is a strong support and mutual understanding between the siblings till the parents are alive; but when the father dies, because of the question of the ownership of property some disputes may arise between the brothers. If the difference in age between the brothers is less, this may sometimes turn into rivalry because traditionally the elder one gains right over the property and control of the household.

 

On the other side, the relationship between a brother and sister is more stable, durable and affectionate. A brother’s responsibility towards his sister increases when she gets married and enters her husband’s household. The brother’s duty is to protect her, give her more than he receives and take care of her husband and children. So, after the marriage of his sister, his rides gets transformed into the roles where he plays a brother for his sister, a brother-in-law for her husband and mother’s brother for his sister’s children. In return, a sister acts as a mother to him. She takes care of him from childhood, spends time and plays with him and shares his joys and sorrows. On the eve of Raksha Bandhan, the love between a brother and sister is clearly displayed. The importance of a mother’s brother is specially realized in the matrilineal societies where the ownership of the property is in the hands of the sister, but its management is done by her brother. Eg., the Nayars of Kerala.

 

2.3.3.     The Parents and Children Relationship

 

The bond of relationship of the child with both his parents differs in time and depth. Although both the parents are ought to be treated with great respect, but the relationship that is shared with a mother is far more lenient and indulgent as compared to that with a father which is often more formal and conserved.

  1. With a father: The children are dependent on the father for economic, social and personal reasons. The daughters are married off at an early age, after which her maintenance is the responsibility of her husband. But, in the case of a son, till his father is alive, he is supposed to abide to his orders and bear his interference in all spheres of his personal life. Similarly, after the death of the father, his soul comes to rest only when his son performs the rituals as a final tribute to him for the salvation of his soul.

After marriage, the interference of a father in his son’s matters remains, but gets nullified in his daughter’s case. The marriage of his daughter in a higher status family than his own (hypergamy) brings secular gains to him in his jati; though due to societal restraints he is not supposed to visit his daughter’s new household often, and take any sort of gifts from them.

 

2. With a mother: A mother on the other hand acts as an intermediate between the son and the father. She is the one who puts forth his requests and needs to the father, who decides whether they could be fulfilled or not.

A daughter on the other hand is handled with care, not as much as given to the son, but enough to preserve her virginity till marriage. The mother is the one who trains her in terms of skills, discipline and obedience to turn her into a mature woman to be able to handle her husband’s household well after marriage. If she fails in that, she is cursed and blamed along with her daughter by the society for not infusing the basic etiquettes in her.

 

2.3.4.    The Daughter-in-law and the Husband’s Family relationship

 

The daughter-in-law is brought as a stranger to her husband’s household where she is supposed to win the heart of the members by following their orders and respecting them. She is supposed to treat her husband’s parents as her own, though she almost never receives the same love as her parents from them.

 

In North India and most of the higher jatis in South India, an elder brother is supposed to avoid direct communication with his younger brother’s wife, and as a token of respect the younger brother’s wife must veil her head and face infront of him. On the contrary, a younger brother may have joking and familiar relations with his elder brother’s wife.

 

The status of a new bride in her husband’s house is dependent upon the birth of a son by her which makes her status egalitarian to the other females of the house. She now redeems her position to share the podium with her husband in the domestic rituals and rites; and some jural rights in her married home.

 

6. The Variations

6.1. North India and South India

 

There is a striking difference in the family and kinship relations of the North and South India:

6.2. Between Caste and Jati groups

 

A great hierarchy is observed all over India, when we view the ancient tradition of family life through the lens of social parameters of Caste and Jati groups, occupation and wealth. Some of the differences observed in lower jati groups are:

  1. Economic independence of women: The women of the lower Jatis have to move out of their house to earn a living for their family because of the economic constraints and landlessness. Eg., the women of Adi Dravidas of Tanjore district of Tamil Nadu are more economically independent in comparison to the Brahmin women. They are considered as an asset for both the natal and affinal family, because of their eligibility to work as field laborers.
  2. Social independence of women: The Adi Dravidas women of Tanjore, Tamil Nadu are socially free to divorce frequently and stay in touch with their natal families. The marriage of the widows is permitted.
  3. More nuclear family groups: In comparison to the wealthier and higher caste groups, it is difficult for the people of lower jatis to maintain a joint family. This is because they are poor and landless, so to earn a living most of their family members, irrespective of sex, are engaged in economic activities, so that the income can be pooled at the end of the day. But, as the family size grows, and the number of children is disproportionate between the brothers, the burden to their nurture their becomes an issue which may give rise to fights between the brothers. On similar grounds, because of lack of land resources, they have to migrate to different places in search of new opportunities, so isolated families evolve.
  4. Sons are not dependent on their father for a longer period: A son of the member of a lower jati group becomes a wage earner after reaching puberty. After marriage, he is not dependent on his father and moves to a separate household. On the other side, in a Brahmin family, as the property remains with the father till he is alive, his sons can barely afford to leave their paternal family after marriage.
  5. Egalitarian status of the brothers in the family: Unlike the higher caste groups where there is a hierarchical categorization between brothers based on age, in the lower caste groups like the Kotas of the Nilgiri hills, filial and fraternal equivalence is noticed. This is because, first there is no property to share, and secondly in the pooling of income the brothers have equal contribution. Also in these societies sometimes each brother has the right to sexual access to another brother’s wife.
  6. The Changing Times

With the changing times there has been a change in the family and kinship relations through the advent of westernization, industrialization, modernization and population mobility across the sub-continent. Though, there has been improvement in the gender front through education, awareness and constitutional provisions and legislations; but the problem of gender discrimination still exists in India. Some of the important changes include:

  • Emergence of nuclear families
  • Increased educational opportunities to women
  • Abolition of Child Marriage and encouraging widow remarriage
  • Equal right of women over property
  • Matriliny is endangered
  • Introduction of family planning in India
  1. Summary
  • According to G.P. Murdock, “a family is a social group characterized by common residence, economic cooperation and reproduction; it includes two sexes and a sexual relationship and one or more children (biological and adopted) of the sexually co-habiting adults.
  • A family plays both biological and social functions.
  • An ideal Indian family is:
    • Based on the hierarchical structure of Indian society (Caste and Jati System)
    • It is based on consanguinal and affinal ties between two families
    • Has filial and fraternal solidarity
    • The economic power and property ownership rights are vested on the hands of the male members of the family.
    • The women are responsible for taking care of the house and children
    • The children are expected to obey and respect their parents and elders.
  • A joint family comprises of the members of the several generations of a unilineal descent group living with their spouses and children in the same house, sharing common hearth and property, represented by the same head of the family and sharing ties of mutual obligations.
  • The head of the family is generally the oldest male member of the house in his full potential to dominate and regulate the members and the economy of the house.
  • Every single person plays multiple roles and is connected to each other through the hierarchical barriers of age and sex which forms the basis of interaction and deference between two people.
  • The function of a family is affected by the number of people who are a part of the family and the nature of their family roles. When a new member joins the family, new relationships come into play.
  • Gender is considered as an important parameter of social stratification in India right from the birth of an individual, where one sex is given preference over the other.
  • A woman is not given any property ownership rights, is restricted to the household premises, is not given any economic freedom and is bound under the social stigmas of suppression in her husband’s family.
  • A woman is considered prospective in maintaining the continuity of the family by bringing a male progeny into the house.
  • Some of the important gender based dynamic relationships between the different family members includes:
    • The Husband and Wife Relationship
    • The Brother and Sister Relationship
    • The Parents and Children Relationship
    • The Daughter-in-law and the Husband’s Family relationship
  • Shades of differences of treatment of both the sexes are observed among the North and the South Indian families and the caste based grouping is prevalent in both the cultures.
  • With changing times, there has been a change in the family and kinship relations through the advent of westernization, industrialization, modernization and population mobility across the sub-continent. Some of the important changes include:
  1. Emergence of nuclear families
  2. Increased educational opportunities to women
  3. Abolition of Child Marriage and encouraging widow remarriage
  4. Equal right of women over property
  5. Matriliny is endangered
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